I cannot do a damn thing. Be it easy, be it hard, be it rewarding, be it just pure pleasure. I cannot enjoy a thing thinking it is just waste of time. I cannot carry myself to do a hard task thinking about the high effort it requires. Even if I break it into small parts, I would only do the bare minimum for a day or two and stop it.

My entire life is being passed away coming back tired, hungry and yearning for sleep, from a job I dislike to the core.

I am not moving towards my goals. I cannot quit this job. Time is passing. I’m stuck. Weekends cometh, I use them all trying to catch up on sleep.

Every week I’m doing just the bare minimum to survive thinking I might do something on the weekend and I don’t. How do I break out this cycle? There’s a lot more I could unwind upon but this post is already long enough.

Argh

  • hihi24522@lemm.ee
    4·
    3 days ago

    This is kind of how my life felt before I got medicated for ADHD. Not being able to do things even when they’re super easy (or worse when they are things you want to do but you just can’t get yourself to do them for no fucking reason) is called Executive Dysfunction, and it is the ADHD symptom I probably suffer from the most. Good news: meds can help with this.

    Now, I still feel unmotivated sometimes even on my meds, and general hopelessness from the meaninglessness of existence is ever present.

    However, just the ability to plan and to start tasks without having to spend hours building the motivation is amazing. I just do things when I think about them even when I don’t want to. Like I’ll say, “I have time to put of this work and play video games” and then before I even start playing I decide I might as well do the task first.

    I still don’t get pleasure out of completing tasks, but being able to complete and keep track of tasks means that eventually I reach a point where I don’t have any more tasks to do in the moment, and that peace is incredible.

    It’s so nice not being anxious all the time about all the tasks I need to do because they’re just done.

    Also, meds actually help me sleep soundly and like regularly to the point I don’t really need an alarm. Despite that, they don’t make me feel sleepy during the day. (I should note I also take melatonin before bed so maybe it’s like the combination that leads to perfectly regular sleep idk)

    Anyway, if I were you I might look into talking to a psychiatrist to see if you have ADHD.

    PS: tip for anyone with ADHD meds, if they give you meds that don’t work for you, don’t be scared to ask for a change. Methylphenidate made me super anxious, killed my appetite, and wore off fast. Adderall doesn’t have any noticeable side effects and works well.