I see your struggles and feel them wholeheartedly

I lost my faith when my sibling was taken from us at a very young age by a very aggressive and untreatable brain tumor

I say that so you know I’m not shilling either way.
I have had the same struggles with faith as you but you seem very devout. Have you considered converting to Judaism?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_to_Judaism

Here’s a Wikipedia link. That’s probably about as unbiased as you can get