I know right? If I was there, I would’ve started with the guy behind green helmet. A quick leg sweep followed by an elbow to the chest, to make sure he stays down.

After that, green helmet would likely turn his sights on me, but I’d be ready for him. A roundhouse to the shiny green dome would daze him, and as his back is turned I’d get him in a head lock, and do a rapid choke-out before the others swarmed me.

At this point, the others will have noticed and will be oinking at me to get down, pointing their weapons menacingly. What they don’t realize is that I’m a Diamond II in fortnite. Guns. don’t. scare. me. As they’re trying to menace me, I’ll bob-and-weave towards the nearest pig, grab his barrel. “Better luck next time, pig” I’ll say before hitting him in the nose with the butt of the gun.

Once he’s out cold, the rest will begin to fire at me. I’ll use the unconscious pig’s body as a riot shield, charging at the group and tackling the rest to the ground. It’ll be so quick they’ll all stumble, and as they’re trying to regain their footing, I’ll bob and weave once more, performing a serpent strike into their throats. This will buy me a few precious seconds to channel my inner ki and roast them all with a solid kamehameha.

Finally, my fallen comrade will stand, the rest of the protestors will come to his aid, and once he’s been secured, everyone will clap. But I won’t smile. Not while there are still fascist pigs left to roast.