This is a kinda embrassing question to ask so pls don’t judge.
I did have moments where I like… went to the local library alone, or like an all day school trip or something…
But I never really like… explored outside alone… especially far from home…
So like… I feel scared about the idea of like… just going for a walk all by myself…
I realize I’ve always just asked parents to drive me somewhere so I never got a chance to just get in the habit of being by myself.
I don’t have a driver’s license so I don’t really have like a car to “retreat to”, if you know what I mean, like as in sort of “castle”.
How do I even “feel safe” just being outside on my own? For context I’m non-white so it’s… kinda intimidating… especially in the current context of US political atmosphere.
I have a library nearby, but honestly I only went there when I was a teen and my laptop stopped working.
I don’t really like to go there just to read a book, too awkward for me, I prefer just downloading a .epub from online.
Its like… its all just older people that goes there. I never seen like someone my age, especially now that young people all have their own computers and they don’t need to use the library computers anymore… it feels so out of place being there, its all just older people there. Cause too much anxiety for me.
There is a park near me that I like to go to, but it’s driving distance away not easily walkable to (takes like an hour or something, I aint gonna walk 2 hours to and from there, public transit doesn’t go there,), my dad just drives me there all the time so I never actually went there alone.
Also like, I’m actually kinda scared of public transit. I also never really been on public transit alone, I’ve always been with at least one of my parents.
Omg I realized my messed up my life actually is. I hear that kids go party during teenage years… but I ended up being just so anxious and never like learn how to be independent.
There are like shopping malls within 20 minutes walking distance, but I don’t wanna like just walk around if I’m not buying anything… feels too weird.
I feel like I really need a driver’s license so I can just like… feel more in control. (I could like borrow parents car for now)
Just walk there and go back home. You’re going to have to embrace the “feels too weird” part. Feeling weird is part of life.
The best cure for being too anxious to go to the library or ride the bus is to go to the library and ride the bus. Your rationales for not doing these things don’t hold up, because the entire point of this advice is to help you get used to leaving your house by yourself. Don’t make excuses and just go.
Unfortunately this is the correct answer ^^^
To overcome anxiety you have to do the things that make you anxious. The best way is to do them now, the thinking time just increases the anxiety, and putting stuff off reinforces the fear.
Source: have anxiety
Have you seen a doctor for the depression/anxiety?
I have, and yes this is the answer. Meds are great, they’re why I don’t have panic attacks anymore, but exposure therapy is the gold standard for irrational fears (as in not dangerous) for a reason. CBT is also awesome, and it’s what helped me the most. But the biggest thing I had to learn was that it’s ok to be scared, but I still had to do what I needed to do.
Yes. Was that question aimed at me?
That awkwardness is the discomfort you should be aiming to feel. It’s just like how when you’re losing weight you should try to be spending a lot of your time kinda hungry or how when you’re building muscle you should be aiming to be sore the morning after a workout. Awkwardness is like that for socializing. Low levels of fear are also totally fine.
If you’re looking to meet people your age and learn to interact with them look up meet ups for things you’re interested in, like board game groups, art in the park, etc. If you can’t think of anything go for improv. Improv is basically a targeted exercise in learning to feel comfortable in an awkward situation, though it’s definitely jumping into the deep end to learn to swim.
And as for public transit. Do it scared. Look up a route (and back) then take the train or the bus to a part of town you’ve aways heard of, but haven’t been to, or to a medium niceness part of town. Take a walk around a few blocks there.
I grew up in a suburban neighborhood that was built to only encourage driving and discouraged everything else, so my parents also took me most places during my teenage years. The cul-de-sacs made it particularly hard to walk to anything interesting, even though such destinations were actually fairly close by, as the crow flies.
What I would suggest is that if there aren’t many interesting destinations to start with, perhaps the walk itself can be of interest. Unless the walk to the mall is along a surface freeway with no soundwall – an actual occurrence in my hometown – you might start with an out-and-back trek to the mall, observing whatever architecture, people, or activities are visible and audible, and then return home. Think of it like people-watching, but less awkward because you’re just passing by, not stopping to stare.
As another commenter wrote, getting comfortable with something is a matter of doing it, first in a controlled manner and then gradually broadening your horizons.
But if this still isn’t a workable plan, then perhaps plan a day out to the 1-hour-away park, taking some time to explore what’s just outside that park. It’s not cheating to use a car to get to a more walkable area. But the walk should be the adventure.
I wish you the best of luck!
P.S. One other thought: could you go walking with someone else besides your parents? They may already have their own walking paths that you may also find workable, places that you can then explore on your own.
Don’t have friends :/
This could work out in your favor actually. Taking driving lessons will get you going outside without your parents anyway (I assume, if you go to a driving school) and that could be a good start to getting comfortable with it while remaining in a car and working towards a license.
Another option: could you go out with friends? Maybe have a friend meet you at yours and then walk somewhere together?
You mean driving lessons with dad lol
Driving school would “be a waste of money” my mom would say
And I don’t really have financial independence yet… so… whatever… their rules…
I need the learners permit thing… I’m gonna wanna get that soon.
No friends 😭
That’s what I get for having a stunted social development because of mom that held on to me too tightly and never allowed me a chance to grow.
(I’m introverted, and like… does anyone even talk to each other anymore after highschool is finished?)
For your last bit, yeah we do. Old friends catch up from time to time, you meet people through shared interests and going out to find people with them, or you go to a bar and chat with strangers over drinks because it feels good to do that. At least I do all three as an extrovert in her 30s. I had to learn to do all of these things when I was younger. I spent months alone not talking to people early in college and it was psychosocially awful. Internet forums weren’t an acceptable substitute.
When you go to the mall, what exactly causes the anxiety/feeling weird?
Not every kid went and partied as a teenager.
You can start with somewhere you’ve already been. You don’t have to hang out there at first. Buy a drink at a small shop or just walk to the library and back( without going in). Go pretend to mail a letter (are postboxes still a thing?). Walk around the block.
Another thing you could do is take the walk first on Google Maps step by step so that you know what to expect.