This is a kinda embrassing question to ask so pls donāt judge.
I did have moments where I likeā¦ went to the local library alone, or like an all day school trip or somethingā¦
But I never really likeā¦ explored outside aloneā¦ especially far from homeā¦
So likeā¦ I feel scared about the idea of likeā¦ just going for a walk all by myselfā¦
I realize Iāve always just asked parents to drive me somewhere so I never got a chance to just get in the habit of being by myself.
I donāt have a driverās license so I donāt really have like a car to āretreat toā, if you know what I mean, like as in sort of ācastleā.
How do I even āfeel safeā just being outside on my own? For context Iām non-white so itāsā¦ kinda intimidatingā¦ especially in the current context of US political atmosphere.
This is such a foreign question for me. In the country I grew up in children are kicked out of the door to go and play outside as soon as possible (age 3 or 4? Idk, long time ago). My parents would give me rules like ādonāt cross the big road! And home by 6ā and I would ride my tiny bike around the neighborhood together with my friends.
I think youāll just have to go out as much as you feel OK with. And maybe think of a plan B for when things do go wrong. Stay close to other people who can help out if something goes wrong, tell others where you are and when they should expect you back, take self defense classes, have a phone at the handy, etc.
Yea I know, which is why Iām kinda embarassed to ask it on a western forum.
My parents kinda just never really put much effort into encouraging me to be independent.
Kids in my parentsā village might do that.
I think during 0-8 years old I was mostly living in a city, except like sometimes visiting parentsā villages and I never felt comfortable exploring much anyways, I donāt know the kids and Iād be back in the city for when school starts. Like city-city, not suburb. I was in Guangzhou, China. Like Apartment buildings. I remember my mom warned me a lot about kidnappers (apparantly it happens often in China according to my mom) so I donāt remember going outside often and never unaccopanied. Parents were like busy and worked from early morning till late at night. I mean they even have this weird child-proof lock thing that locked from the outsideā¦ like you turn a key all the way in a direction and it locks and prevents the inside from opening it. Cuz if nobody was home, my parents didnāt want us to likeā¦ run off or somethingā¦
Well I wasnāt like alone-alone, I just get stuck at home with my older brotherā¦ who just wanna like fight with me all the timeā¦
Pretty sure this childproof lock thing is a firehazardā¦ š
Oddly enough, I remember Iād walk home alone during school lunch timeā¦ like Iād walk home, eat lunch at home, then walk back to school (cuz there was no free school lunch), I was like 6-7 I think, and it was like in broad daylight so I guess my grandmother just didnāt feel like picking me up. But I think my grandmother was supposed to take me to school and pick me up most of the time.
That was the extent of my independence. I wasnāt allowed to like play outsideā¦ cuz of the supposedly kidnappers that roam the streets (I looked up a few videos now as an adult, kinda terrifying ngl).
When we arrived in the USā¦ similarā¦ but its more because of being in a foreign country so I personally also felt scared. My mom just put me in an afterschool program so Iād be in school till 6 PM then stay at home till next day. Weekends Iām not supposed to go outside unless thereās a parent with me. I always need a parents to go outsideā¦ I mean I guess mom both didnāt want me to be in danger and also was afraid leaving us outside unaccompanied would trip up CPS or somethingā¦ and you definitely donāt want them involved when youāre new in the country.
So yeaā¦ I never got to be by myself
So I eventually learned English, and this place became āless foreignā to me. And I also got olderā¦
but stillā¦ I think I just got so used to never being by myself from birth till likeā¦ 13 years old(I think?), that I never really tried to go outside much, even when I was eventually allowed to walk home by myself when I was 6th gradeā¦
I did like go to the library a few times to use their computer to play some web browser unity fps gamesā¦ but then stopped doing that when I had a computer at home.
My parents never really pushed me to go outsideā¦ and I think I just got so used to the āstranger dangerāā¦
soā¦ yeahā¦
I guess the takeaway from this post isā¦ I realized how much my parents and the circumstances of my life kinda stunted my mental development?
Edit: Btw, my older brother whoās 5 years older than me still lives at homeā¦ so yeaā¦ I donāt see him going outside much except for like workā¦ and he has zero social lifeā¦
So yeaā¦ thanks a lot, momā¦ š