I didn’t mean to stress you out that bad, but I wasn’t “going on the attack” like you characterize me as. You were overreacting from the start, and things escalated from there. If I had known you weren’t trying to be a jerk then I wouldn’t have been so harsh.
If that many people misunderstand or “misinterpret” what you’re trying to say, then maybe it’s an opportunity to do some self-reflection and try to understand what they’re saying. Because the way you initially came off, did not align with what you later explained was your initial intent.
If I had realized sooner that you were on the spectrum, I wouldn’t have argued as much because I would have seen that it was primarily a miscommunication. I thought you were being a jerk, so I was dishing it back to you. I didn’t realize until later that your internal logic made sense to you in a way that didn’t quite come across as clearly as it probably seemed to you.
I understand how it’s frustrating to try to communicate something that makes sense to you and have it not be understood by pretty much anybody. I’m all too familiar with that pattern in my own life, which is why people often ask me if I’m on the spectrum. I think I am, but I don’t have a diagnosis.
Anyway, it’s been a painful process, and I’m still not well-adjusted, but one thing I’ve heard consistently from people is that I’m still responsible for how I come across to other people, even if how I come across is consistently different from the way that I intend, and even though I find it near impossible to comprehend the kinds of social norms that seem intuitive to most people. I can never predict how I’ll come across, so I don’t know how that’s supposed to be my responsibility, but that’s how neurotypicals tend to view things. To me it seems like that’s their perception, so it should be their responsibility, but when they all share the same or similar perceptions due to their normative perspective, then suddenly I become the one that’s easy to single out and blame for it. And while it’s been painful and frustrating to accept, it comes with more inner peace than trying to go against it. Because unfortunately, we live in a neurotypical-dominated society and how neurotypicals decide to perceive us is what defines who we are from their perspective.
I can think of myself however I want, and at the end of the day only I know my own internal life, but if the majority of society decides I’m annoying or abrasive, then I can’t stop them from having that opinion, spreading it around, and ostracizing me. So even though I find it impossible to conform to their norms, it’s in my interest to do so, simply from a survival standpoint. If I want to have friends, I need to be likeable, and being neurodivergent doesn’t change that.
That all being said, if it really affects you that much, to the point where you would throw up from the stress of an argument with a stranger on the internet, then maybe you should take a break from it. Do something that brings you peace.
A volley of accusations doesn’t bring peace. That’s how things escalate. And while there’s relative safety, as these are just words, it can be stressful. I’ve had arguments with trolls that had me apoplectic before I remembered that it wasn’t worth my peace of mind.
If you need an apology, then I’m sorry you threw up. But that comes with the caveat that you can’t expect the world to apologize to you every time you’re misunderstood. It’s harsh, but it typically doesn’t happen that way. The only reason I’ve changed my attitude towards you is because I realized the underlying miscommunication, that you’re neurodivergent, and I only understood that because I am too.
So I’m taking responsibility for my part in it now, but you have to realize that you have a responsibility in it too. I was wrong when I thought you were a narcissist, because I misidentified the pattern. Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their part, and they misapply rules to others while carving out special exceptions for themselves. But not everyone who does those things is a narcissist, there are other explanations for those patterns, so it was hasty for me to jump to that conclusion. If that’s what stressed you out so bad, I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean to stress you out that bad, but I wasn’t “going on the attack” like you characterize me as.
Yes, you did - you regret it now that you realize you were genuinely hurting someone, but you absolutely intended to hurt me and you 100% went on the attack from the outset.
I don’t “need” an apology (which that wasn’t), nor do I want one from you, nor would I accept it if you’d offered one. I just want you to not do this to someone else in the future. I’m not expecting an apology from other commenters in this thread, either - that’s stupid, they didn’t do anything wrong, they misinterpreted an ambiguous comment. I got dogpiled for an unclear statement, it happens all the time on here, that’s fine, it truly doesn’t bother me, I’m actually quite good at navigating society as an autistic person. This interaction wasn’t the fault of any other person here but you, and I’m deeply saddened that you’re trying to make that the narrative now.
I had hoped you might be better than that.
Your entire comment is talking down to me like I’ve got no idea what just happened, despite me explaining your behavior to you, encompassing pretty much everything you just laid out in your comment, over the preceding several hours. I apparently knew exactly what you were doing long before you did, and told you what you were doing, and you ignored me because:
You thought someone was doing something wrong, and because of that it justified your being unbelievably horrible to someone else.
I get it, I really do - it’s hard to realize we’ve done something that has no good justification, that’s why you’re trying to couch this as you have defended the OP, why you’re latching onto my being autistic so you can altruistically explain basic concepts to me (again, I have already explained all of this repeatedly to you, you just ignored it because I was wrong on the internet and that meant it was morally justifiable to do so), why you’ve spent the last several comments attempting to force me to accept some of the blame so you can excuse some of your behavior, and why you’re avoiding so hard actually apologizing for being mean to me.
That isn’t you taking responsibility, and while I haven’t at any point denied my own responsibility for making an unclear comment initially - hence why I explained myself repeatedly (to you especially, which you chose to ignore) - you will only accept your own responsibility with a long series of exceptions and ways to morally weasel out of it.
You don’t think you did anything wrong, and if I was the kind of person that threw out terms like “narcissist” I might be doing that right now - but I don’t think you are one. I think you just saw an opportunity to be cruel to someone and get away with it. I think you enjoyed yourself. And I think you’re going to do this to someone else in the future, because you’re not able to accept what you’ve done. And for that reason, to make sure I’m not the next person you do this to, and to preserve what’s left of my peace of mind, you’re going to be the first person I’ve ever blocked on lemmy. Congrats. Have fun getting the last word in.
I know it’s dramatic when people say that, but I really hope you understand that you’ve just been too horrible for me to feel comfortable on lemmy with you here - I’ve already deleted all my previous OC to make sure you can’t see it and use it against me, because you are the kind of person who could justify behavior like that to themselves. You just spent hours proving that.
I hope next time you do this to someone like me, the very worst that happens is they throw up. But maybe, when someone spends hours trying to defend themselves against your repeated, baseless, fucking cruel bullshit, you consider they might be telling the truth when they say you’ve just misunderstood them.
I didn’t mean to stress you out that bad, but I wasn’t “going on the attack” like you characterize me as. You were overreacting from the start, and things escalated from there. If I had known you weren’t trying to be a jerk then I wouldn’t have been so harsh.
If that many people misunderstand or “misinterpret” what you’re trying to say, then maybe it’s an opportunity to do some self-reflection and try to understand what they’re saying. Because the way you initially came off, did not align with what you later explained was your initial intent.
If I had realized sooner that you were on the spectrum, I wouldn’t have argued as much because I would have seen that it was primarily a miscommunication. I thought you were being a jerk, so I was dishing it back to you. I didn’t realize until later that your internal logic made sense to you in a way that didn’t quite come across as clearly as it probably seemed to you.
I understand how it’s frustrating to try to communicate something that makes sense to you and have it not be understood by pretty much anybody. I’m all too familiar with that pattern in my own life, which is why people often ask me if I’m on the spectrum. I think I am, but I don’t have a diagnosis.
Anyway, it’s been a painful process, and I’m still not well-adjusted, but one thing I’ve heard consistently from people is that I’m still responsible for how I come across to other people, even if how I come across is consistently different from the way that I intend, and even though I find it near impossible to comprehend the kinds of social norms that seem intuitive to most people. I can never predict how I’ll come across, so I don’t know how that’s supposed to be my responsibility, but that’s how neurotypicals tend to view things. To me it seems like that’s their perception, so it should be their responsibility, but when they all share the same or similar perceptions due to their normative perspective, then suddenly I become the one that’s easy to single out and blame for it. And while it’s been painful and frustrating to accept, it comes with more inner peace than trying to go against it. Because unfortunately, we live in a neurotypical-dominated society and how neurotypicals decide to perceive us is what defines who we are from their perspective.
I can think of myself however I want, and at the end of the day only I know my own internal life, but if the majority of society decides I’m annoying or abrasive, then I can’t stop them from having that opinion, spreading it around, and ostracizing me. So even though I find it impossible to conform to their norms, it’s in my interest to do so, simply from a survival standpoint. If I want to have friends, I need to be likeable, and being neurodivergent doesn’t change that.
That all being said, if it really affects you that much, to the point where you would throw up from the stress of an argument with a stranger on the internet, then maybe you should take a break from it. Do something that brings you peace.
A volley of accusations doesn’t bring peace. That’s how things escalate. And while there’s relative safety, as these are just words, it can be stressful. I’ve had arguments with trolls that had me apoplectic before I remembered that it wasn’t worth my peace of mind.
If you need an apology, then I’m sorry you threw up. But that comes with the caveat that you can’t expect the world to apologize to you every time you’re misunderstood. It’s harsh, but it typically doesn’t happen that way. The only reason I’ve changed my attitude towards you is because I realized the underlying miscommunication, that you’re neurodivergent, and I only understood that because I am too.
So I’m taking responsibility for my part in it now, but you have to realize that you have a responsibility in it too. I was wrong when I thought you were a narcissist, because I misidentified the pattern. Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their part, and they misapply rules to others while carving out special exceptions for themselves. But not everyone who does those things is a narcissist, there are other explanations for those patterns, so it was hasty for me to jump to that conclusion. If that’s what stressed you out so bad, I’m sorry.
Yes, you did - you regret it now that you realize you were genuinely hurting someone, but you absolutely intended to hurt me and you 100% went on the attack from the outset.
I don’t “need” an apology (which that wasn’t), nor do I want one from you, nor would I accept it if you’d offered one. I just want you to not do this to someone else in the future. I’m not expecting an apology from other commenters in this thread, either - that’s stupid, they didn’t do anything wrong, they misinterpreted an ambiguous comment. I got dogpiled for an unclear statement, it happens all the time on here, that’s fine, it truly doesn’t bother me, I’m actually quite good at navigating society as an autistic person. This interaction wasn’t the fault of any other person here but you, and I’m deeply saddened that you’re trying to make that the narrative now.
I had hoped you might be better than that.
Your entire comment is talking down to me like I’ve got no idea what just happened, despite me explaining your behavior to you, encompassing pretty much everything you just laid out in your comment, over the preceding several hours. I apparently knew exactly what you were doing long before you did, and told you what you were doing, and you ignored me because:
I get it, I really do - it’s hard to realize we’ve done something that has no good justification, that’s why you’re trying to couch this as you have defended the OP, why you’re latching onto my being autistic so you can altruistically explain basic concepts to me (again, I have already explained all of this repeatedly to you, you just ignored it because I was wrong on the internet and that meant it was morally justifiable to do so), why you’ve spent the last several comments attempting to force me to accept some of the blame so you can excuse some of your behavior, and why you’re avoiding so hard actually apologizing for being mean to me.
That isn’t you taking responsibility, and while I haven’t at any point denied my own responsibility for making an unclear comment initially - hence why I explained myself repeatedly (to you especially, which you chose to ignore) - you will only accept your own responsibility with a long series of exceptions and ways to morally weasel out of it.
You don’t think you did anything wrong, and if I was the kind of person that threw out terms like “narcissist” I might be doing that right now - but I don’t think you are one. I think you just saw an opportunity to be cruel to someone and get away with it. I think you enjoyed yourself. And I think you’re going to do this to someone else in the future, because you’re not able to accept what you’ve done. And for that reason, to make sure I’m not the next person you do this to, and to preserve what’s left of my peace of mind, you’re going to be the first person I’ve ever blocked on lemmy. Congrats. Have fun getting the last word in.
I know it’s dramatic when people say that, but I really hope you understand that you’ve just been too horrible for me to feel comfortable on lemmy with you here - I’ve already deleted all my previous OC to make sure you can’t see it and use it against me, because you are the kind of person who could justify behavior like that to themselves. You just spent hours proving that.
I hope next time you do this to someone like me, the very worst that happens is they throw up. But maybe, when someone spends hours trying to defend themselves against your repeated, baseless, fucking cruel bullshit, you consider they might be telling the truth when they say you’ve just misunderstood them.
And now unlike you, I really am done with this.
You’re still overreacting. But I’m done trying to convince you of that.