I hide them in my foreskin. WAY more flattering.

Why give it the wifi password on the first place?

The Moon is 384,400 km away from Earth. If you took every elephant on Earth and stacked them one atop another most of them would die.

Equal weight thigh and breast meat, approximately 1" cubes but then seasoned, cured and vac sealed so they may elongate beyond an inch. Cured for a week then sous vide cooked to 145 F internal. Ice bath, room temp bloomed for 30 minutes then frozen until solid enough to slice at “12” on the meat slicer.

It’s a prototype, I’m not ready to share the full measurements and process quite yet. Give me a couple weeks and the next iteration will be reproducible.

The journey is the joy.

Missing what?

This was my first attempt ever. I mentioned process tweaks and I’ll elaborate here I would use more mechanical processing to optimize protein extraction and thus binding so it doesn’t separate when sliced and cooked. Otherwise it has the texture of real bacon and delicious turkey flavour.

I can add smoke but it’s typically not included in a health-conscious turkey strip where I live.

I’m legitimately curious, don’t leave me hangit bro.

Hey I get it. I’m a retail butcher which means I value true pork bacon but also means I have to make stuff like this. I’d rather be the guy making it than sourcing it, I have control over quality and flavour.

What are you doing stepsyrup?!

I planned on baking bread this morning but didn’t have time.

I’ll live vicariously through you today.

Love me that heel!

As a teenager my buddy’s mom told us a joke.

What does NASA stand for?

Needs Another Seven Astronauts

It’s a popular product that is difficult to source reliably. Making it in house solves that, saves cost and produces a higher quality result we can charge a premium on.

I was given a sizeable raise this past spring.

This was company meat. After Thanksgiving I’m buying a whole turkey to make pepperoni sticks for my nieces. If they want I’ll make a slab of this for them too.

Made BLT sandwiches for staff lunch. The rest is going home to my boss’ wife.

They mass produce Wagyu cattle and yet aren’t famous for their steak. (Their Wagyu is my favourite beef too)

I’m not hating or rage bait, I truly believe in their chefs. I want them to get creative.

It’s a viable placeholder until Australia produces a cuisine good enough.

Has anyone ever said “Hey babe let’s go to the Australian restaurant tonight”

I don’t think Australians even say that.

Doubt I can top that but I got one for you.

We had a restaurant server, Fabian, who was perpetually high on his own farts. Everyone hated his attitude.

One day he comes to work and drops his bag on the floor and goes to take a piss.

We stole one of his dress shoes and hid it in the back.

Dude comes out to get dressed and can’t find one shoe. He’s trippin. “Fabian, what’s wrong?!?”

He can’t find his shoe. “Who forgets ONE shoe at home hahahahahaha!”

Dude had to wear a pair of dirty old shoes from the lost and found. Only size he could find that fit him were several sizes too big. Clown shoes all night.

Then when he finishes his shift and goes to get changed we sneak the stolen shoe back into his bag.

He finds it and absolutely FLIPS OUT freaking that he had to wear dirty shoes all night how could he have POSSIBLY missed his other shoe in the bag?!?

This was over fifteen years ago and we still laugh when we gather. He carried some psychological issues from that one for several years.

The blood in your heart has been in your boner and that’s pretty sus

Soap tastes bitter. I’ll pass. I want natural bean.

Crispy for her disgust.