When the amount of time management, task tracking, studying guide I found helpful have ADHD labeled on them… I started to connect past experiences together.

It got to the point where I just need an answer and get this question out of my system.

Got myself evaluated, and the rest is history.

My kid got diagnosed, and then it became impossible to deny that I had it too

Reading adhd memes and realizing it was just me

When you’re young masking is a lot easier. Pair that with the ability to drink pots of coffee nonstop throughout the day to self medicate and the time to exercise for at least an hour every day and you can get by pretty effectively. At some point though you get old and busy enough that A: it’s not possible to physically drink enough coffee to self medicate anymore and B: you don’t always have 1-2h a day to devote to exercise. At that point it becomes apparent that you should probably be on medication if you want to remain high functioning.

Attention, memory, constantly walk away and forget everything that was said, I can watch the same movie a few times before I remember it. I’m overall a space cadet in the brain. Did it happen yesterday? A few days ago? Two weeks ago? Who knows?

Why I don’t go get tested? I like flying planes and the FAA doesn’t believe ADHD is safe. Well, it’s fine if you can properly manage it. It’s pretty easy to take notes and follow the checklists.

Two children diagnosed using my school reports as background. All the signs.

While getting an adult diagnosis here is expensive and difficult, it’s probably inevitable.

I’ll get 'round to it soon…

Basically all the memes hit very close to home, all the ADHD lived experience posts, all the physical symptoms lists, all the childhood signs for inattentive ADHD. Everything fit. Delayed sleep schedule? My best sleep hours are 2:30-11:30 am. Always hated waking up for school, always chose to work either at night or late afternoon. Very sensitive to rejection. Was drinking a monster every day on my way to work and yawning all day anyway. Could always sleep, no matter when or where, when the pandemic started and I was home and not working for the first 6 weeks and I slept 16 + hours a day, every day, for the entire 6 weeks, but never felt any more rested. I’d pass out during moving and shows if I was the slightest bit disinterested. Did cocaine once as a dumb 20-something, had the most relaxing evening ever, I thought we’d been given dud stuff. Time is functionally meaningless to me when evaluating the length tasks take.

It was just endless, every time I heard of a new ADHD symptom it hit HARD, especially the ones describing childhood for ADHD girls. I’m also pretty damn sure I’m autistic so, there’s also that.

I was in the denialist camp. Not understanding what it was, I thought it was “a social media epidemic” and not a real thing.

My nephew (roughly my age, for context) told me he thought he had it, which I dismissed, also that it’s genetic (knowing my mom and sister it did make a bit more sense…) then almost immediately came across a comment in Reddit of someone who had ADHD and wrote an experience that resonated SO MUCH with me. At that point I was mega suspicious.

I met my partner a couple of months after that, and another couple of months later, he moved into a house with a landlady… with ADHD. She’s actually an ADHD coach now. Whenever her and I got together we essentially were mirrors of each other, forgetting things, misplacing things, dissociating, hyperfocusing, fidgeting…

I got diagnosed a year after that.

I was listening to a podcast about it. I was especially tuned into it because my new stepson was diagnosed long ago, and I thought it should help me understand what I was getting into. I really enjoyed the speaker, so I bought his book for more info.

In the book, I learned all about “inattentive type” which I had never heard of before. As he described the characteristics of inattentive, I was trying to figure out how that was any different from normal, and then it hit me:

I actually have no idea how a normal brain works.

I… can’t remember…?

…

DAMMIT

My primary care doctor picked up on it in my late 20’s. It was impressive - I think he suspected, so asked 3 questions/statements about my behaviour as a kid and teenager, things that nobody, not my parents, siblings or friends knew. They were formed as “you did X, Y, Z, as a teen, didn’t you?”.

They were questions regarding self control and specific drug use. In particular, he said “you did come coke as a teen, and you felt it calmed you down”. Mind. Blown.

Realized that something was wrong with me as I couldn’t study or do things that I need to do, still don’t have my diagnosis tho

All the memes and TikTok videos really started to make me realize not everyone does this. Then a friend I did Adderall with recreationally in high school reached out to me and was like “hey remember when we did Adderall and we’re like dude this is so boring I don’t feel high at all then we just did all the stuff we had been putting off? Yeah, I just got diagnosed, you probably should too.” That drove it home for me lol.

I’ve not yet been able to get a diagnosis, but it’s mainly seeing myself in those memes, reading into it and realising this might be what I’ve struggled my whole life with.

I didn’t really, I had a poor understanding of it before, and was diagnosed when I was seeking help for depression