Telling people “calm down” is a very unconstructive de-escalation tactic because it has no substance. People respond much better if you address specific conduct, explain a potential consequence, ask for something else, and then give space.
For example, when someone needs to calm down, I tell them “You’d better fix that attitude problem of yours before it gets you into trouble”, and then as soon as they begin to respond I interrupt with “Close your mouth” and I walk away. This makes people realize they’re overreacting and they calm down right away.
It is, but keep in mind that if you don’t intentionally misinterpret things you know to be jokes, you won’t get to act smug about how awful they are. It’s good to see we have some people bringing the core aspect of reddit culture here.
None of that sounds productive to me. It seems accusatory and self-satisfied to the point of being abusive. Sounds like the kind of things infuriatingly rude people say and do to try and deflect from their own toxicity.
“I feel stressed with your attitude” is the I statement. It needs to start with your feelings on a particularly situation.
Even better is one that doesn’t include an accusation. “I feel stressed when you get upset over stupid shit” works better if you keep it to “I feel stressed when you get upset.” – keeps the discussion on feelings instead of openning it up for an argument on stupid shit.
Telling people “calm down” is a very unconstructive de-escalation tactic because it has no substance. People respond much better if you address specific conduct, explain a potential consequence, ask for something else, and then give space.
For example, when someone needs to calm down, I tell them “You’d better fix that attitude problem of yours before it gets you into trouble”, and then as soon as they begin to respond I interrupt with “Close your mouth” and I walk away. This makes people realize they’re overreacting and they calm down right away.
Sounds like a great way to get a chair upside the back of your head.
The number of people addressing this post as serious advice is troubling.
Laughing when I got to “Close your mouth”!
It is, but keep in mind that if you don’t intentionally misinterpret things you know to be jokes, you won’t get to act smug about how awful they are. It’s good to see we have some people bringing the core aspect of reddit culture here.
None of that sounds productive to me. It seems accusatory and self-satisfied to the point of being abusive. Sounds like the kind of things infuriatingly rude people say and do to try and deflect from their own toxicity.
You better fix that attitude problem before it lands you in some trouble.
I thought that was the joke; this is such terrible advice that it’s obviously a troll/sarcasm levels of joke.
Calm down.
“You” statements are often read as accusatory, consider the “I” statement: “I need you to calm down because I’m becoming stressed by your attitude”
“I feel stressed with your attitude” is the I statement. It needs to start with your feelings on a particularly situation.
Even better is one that doesn’t include an accusation. “I feel stressed when you get upset over stupid shit” works better if you keep it to “I feel stressed when you get upset.” – keeps the discussion on feelings instead of openning it up for an argument on stupid shit.