Although I didn’t fully understand it at the time, the reason I was so clumsy at the hookup scene, is because I was always thinking more long-term. As it turned out, I was much more comfortable in relationships, of doing fun stuff like reverse dates: have sex with my partner, then go out to dinner and/or drinks with her.
Then we realized a funny thing: when we are both relaxed, we notice nearly everyone else around us was tense about the same thing, hunting and preening, and there we were, smiling knowingly at each other, having just fucked each other’s brains out, enjoying a drink with zero stress in the mind and body.
People on the hookup scene have it the wrong way around.
If they only knew the pleasure of going out having already done the deed. Daily intimacy has this and many other perks.Not everyone is you, and you’re not them. What they enjoy is not what you enjoy, and that’s fine
Never related to hookup culture.
Growing up there was very much a mantra of you don’t know how to fuck unless you’ve fucked a bunch of random people.
Which could be true if using another body to masturbate is the same as fucking.
It turns out many women are coded to experience pleasure most when they feel safe. This doesn’t apply to every women and that doesn’t mean you can’t experiment consensually but a ONS is really not conducive to immersive pleasure in my opinion.
There was a lot of we need to confirm sexual chemistry before a relationship too. I personally find building something with a person (from as little as a small commitment to life itself) to be a force multiplier behind intimacy, elevating it from hopeful ember to an all consuming flame of passion, satisfaction and fulfillment.
I prefer building a relationship, exploring affection and intimacy and then sexual exploration. Is it masculine? Depends who you ask. But if it isn’t then the problem lies in how we define masculinity in my view.
Some ppl romantacize and overthink everything like in the comic(me), some don’t and just live life. In the end, most ppl don’t care about that. And hookup culture isn’t really them fucking complete strangers, they’re usually friends first or communicate in some way.
🤔
For most of my life, I failed to understand hookup culture and ONS. “Damn, I met someone appealing enough that I would like to have sex with them! You know what would make this better? Never seeing them again!” You discovered a Fountain of Sex! Why abandon that now that it’s flowing?!
Some people get their validation from sex. They might not even like the sex. In fact they probably don’t enjoy it but they do like that bit of validation.
They probably aren’t attracted to their ONS. Once they feel validation they want to be far away from the prison they felt it with.
Yeah ita like, you got a sex friend, why stop it artificially?
I agree entirely. I’m not against it for other folks, that’s totally cool—it’s just completely not for me. I’m lucky to have found My Person a while before things like Tinder existed; I don’t envy any side of dating right now, especially for anyone who feels the same way I do about relationships and whatnot.
I totally agree with both of you. I once hooked up with some chick at work. Well long story short we started dating and got married. I was trying to do the ONS thing but we ended up having a lot in common. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Same with my partner and me. We met through mutual friends when they were visiting our area as they lived literally thousands of miles away. We hit it off and hooked up that night. We agreed nothing would come of it - we even shook hands on it!
Four months later we were a couple. A year later we relocated and moved in together. Now we’ve been married for 12 years.
Worst one night stand ever.
Dating looks like a nightmare. I told my husband we have to be immortal so I never have to date again.
Oh, gawd, it’s a special kind of hell. My partner and I were ENM when we met, but mutually decided we preferred monogamy (long story). Over the past summer, we decided to dip our toes back into having sidepieces. And our tolerance for modern dating bullshit lasted all of three weeks.
We’re not monogamous because of societal norms; we’re monogamous because of zero tolerance for the state of dating. 😆
Everyone out there has to compete against stability and comfort and deep rich connection. Standards too high? Hardly! Standards are just high enough.
Got yourself a gusher, eh?
🤣 I swear, my double-entendre was completely unintentional. Thank you Internet stranger for the solid laugh!
Some people are just wired different.
