It has come to my attention that in the seven years since my untimely demise, you have become an increasingly greedy and insufferable twat. I must strongly advise you against this. First, because I do not wish you to walk the earth bound by the chains of your own sins, in penance, as I have. Second, I wish to spare you the agony of sitting through three separate hour-long presentations that could have been an email.
Lastly, the villagers have begun singing songs about what a bad person you are when they think you’re not listening. They didn’t even do that to me when I was still alive. Once again, I implore you to immediately cease being a greedy, insufferable twat for your own sake.
My Dear Ebeneezer,
It has come to my attention that in the seven years since my untimely demise, you have become an increasingly greedy and insufferable twat. I must strongly advise you against this. First, because I do not wish you to walk the earth bound by the chains of your own sins, in penance, as I have. Second, I wish to spare you the agony of sitting through three separate hour-long presentations that could have been an email. Lastly, the villagers have begun singing songs about what a bad person you are when they think you’re not listening. They didn’t even do that to me when I was still alive. Once again, I implore you to immediately cease being a greedy, insufferable twat for your own sake.
Most Regretably Yours,
Jacob Marley
Hahs brilliant