A little groove box. Like the Roland T-8 or Novation Circuit.

Few hundred bucks will get you a used one. Super fun to sit around and make your own simple beats and songs. No musical knowledge required!

I’m a big proponent of modern affordable musical electronics. If you like it, it’s a fun little thing to do. If you love it, there is endless depth to pursue in many directions. No natural rhythm or understanding of melody needed. It’s fun to just sit and tweak knobs and notes until you like what comes out.

I also recently discovered this website called “Strudel REPL” that let’s you code electronic music in your browser for free. Another fun way to check out the hobby without spending anything.

I mean my parents are not good people. Huge part of it. Alcoholism and anger pretty much ruled the roost in my childhood.

Not that it alleviates me of any blame, but I’ve always been very comfortable with negativity and confrontation.

I also think they’re is a lot of it that comes from "children raising children; " In regards to how much behavior I learned from boys my own age, and boys only slightly older, but no less ignorant.

It’s funny how sensitive I was to anything remotely hurtful, and simultaneously completely without empathy for anyone of any kind.

It’s still there. If my little ego gets bumped too hard, or someone isn’t having any of my shit on an off day my knee-jerk reaction is to go right back to that place. But I try to keep my poop in a group, most of the time.

Thank ye. I am much happier now, but I’m also super ashamed that it had to happen at all. Like how long it took me to realize that all people are equal is super lame. I think about it all the time. It scares me how easy it would be to just not care about anyone and behave however I want, and just move through life like that. Like a lot of people do.

I mean, the only real convenient part of an existential crisis is that its with you, every minute of every day. So being a bag of shit goes with me everywhere!

This right here. Exact same thing for me.

This is all going to sound super dumb and obvious, but I think that underlines how delusional young straight men can become about themselves and the world. The first step was sloooowly coming to the realization that:

A) I’m not unique, special, important, and/or entitled to anything. Ever.

B) I’m not nearly as fucking smart as I think I am, and everyone else is much smarter than I think they are. Which is the perfect combination to make me incredibly stupid.

After it took me embarrassingly far into my 20’s to come to terms with all that, I literally had to start from scratch on retraining how I thought about how I interacted with/viewed everything and everyone.

I had no empathy, respect, or regard. I spent years blaming my lack of quality relationships on other people and “society.” Whatever the fuck that means.

I was living in a vacuum. All I could do was judge people on whether or not they were worth my time, while having zero understanding that I absolutely wasn’t worth anyone’s time.

I thought being funny, knowing things, and being good at stuff made me a real catch and, sadly, better than everybody.

My father is a massive selfish pile of shit, and I spent my youth hating him for all of those exact same behaviors. I dunno what finally let me see it, but it took way too long to get there.

Years later I would read a quote from (I think) Sylvia Plath about how “women are not machines you put the nice coins in until the sex comes out” (paraphrasing, didn’t Google) and that exactly defines how I thought about women.

By my late 20s I had begun correcting my perspective. I spent a lot of time working on what I have to offer, rather than what others can offer me. It improved the quality of all my relationships. I’m in my early 40s now, ten years into a wonderful relationship. I look back at myself and think about how small and fragile I was. Now I think a lot about time. How precious it is, and you can’t get it back. My partner now loves me so much, I want to try every day to return that love and be worth her time.

I see other guys at all ages living in the same sad little world I lived in. I wish I could run a seminar teaching dudes they aren’t that fucking great.

Star Woids

Yeah man, it was an event of a burger.

Queso Fresa- $11.00.

Beef, ham, cheese, strawberry, Anaheim w- sour cream, lettuce, ketchup, avocado, mayonnaise, tomato, onion, mustard, jalapeno and fries

(from their online menu)

This is the way.

Few years ago I had a cheeseburger with strawberries in lieu of tomatoes. It makes much more sense than you’d think once you try it.

It sucks how good that show was for how fucked Gaiman is.

The comics are amazing too

When you die there is nothing. You go back to where you were before you were born.

No past, no future, no memory, nothing.

You will cease to be and the memory of you will fade from this universe nearly instantly.

There’s a lovely peace to that…

This exactly describes my relationship with women, AND food.

I am in a happy, loving, faithful relationship.

Morbid obesity is killing me.

I mean I’m not looking to cold open with drugs and strangers. Lol. I’d like proper friends with whom we’ve established mutual respect and trust for one another.

THEN go get weird at the Renaissance Festival, or concert, or shitty movie.

All anyone my age around here wants to do is drink shitty craft beers, hike, and watch football…

Already watched and re-watched. Lol.

I’m hip. Thanks for the recco!

My favorite thing in the whole world is dropping LSD, and listening to obscure music or watching weird shit…

Dude I can’t find ANYONE to hang out with me… I wave that flag in every social situation I find myself in. I really thought there would be more people into it.

Well, that or I’m completely unbearable to hang out with. If that’s the case I just wish people would tell me.

THIS is what the internet is for… Right here.