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The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny: Home of the Haha@lemmy.world · 1 个月前

They're here to save your soul

lemmy.world

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They're here to save your soul

lemmy.world

The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny: Home of the Haha@lemmy.world · 1 个月前
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  • Deflated0ne@lemmy.world
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    1 个月前

    Nah. They’re shopping for a third.

    • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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      1 个月前

      More specifically, a handmaid.

      • supercriticalcheese@lemmy.world
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        1 个月前

        What type of… handjobs?

        • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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          The kind of jobs where you use your hands to do all of their housework for them for free while bearing the husband’s children.

        • ZeffSyde@lemmy.world
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          1 个月前

          It’s not a sin if you keep your grip still while a third bounces on the bed.

          • hovercat@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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            1 个月前

            The classic Provo soak+jump hump

      • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        1 个月前

        …may the lord open

        • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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          1 个月前

          Blessed be the fruit.

    • RedAggroBest@lemmy.world
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      1 个月前

      Nah, they’re Mormons. They’re actually this crazy

  • VirgilMastercard@reddthat.com
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    1 个月前

    Spencer definitely wants to film his wife being nailed by another man

    • entwine413@lemm.ee
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      1 个月前

      He wants to be the one to jump on the bed.

      • Billiam@lemmy.world
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        1 个月前

        We can only assume that if soaking isn’t premarital sex, then it can’t be extramarital sex either.

    • eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      1 个月前

      Good for Spencer.

    • teamevil@lemmy.world
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      1 个月前

      Maybe Spencer wants her to film him getting the nailing

      • funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works
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        1 个月前

        hey bi switch vers people exist yannow

        • teamevil@lemmy.world
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          1 个月前

          That’s fine…but Spencer’s wife is probably in the dark. Because he doesn’t accept himself

    • foggy@lemmy.world
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      1 个月前

      Don’t we all?

  • ceenote@lemmy.world
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    1 个月前

    I’ll go to your church, you come to my orgy. Fair is fair, right?

    • 6nk06@sh.itjust.works
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      Imagine the uproar if you went to a church and said “you’re so prudish, you need to fuck more, come to Tinder.”

    • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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      1 个月前

      Joseph Smith: “No need to make them exclusive.”

    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
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      Oh sweet summer child.

      The church IS the orgy. Now here, have some Kool aid, we’re going to see the face of God together.

      • SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world
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        1 个月前

        Liar, this is Flavor Aid.

      • Honytawk@lemmy.zip
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        1 个月前

        I’d love an orgy, but not with little boys.

        I’ll pass.

  • underwire212@lemm.ee
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    Ah yes because Jesus was known for his condescending, judgmental attitudes against others.

    • madcaesar@lemmy.world
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      Is Jesus God? Because God had some pretty shitty things to say about women and gay folk. 🤷‍♂️

      • funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works
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        1 个月前

        that would be an ecumenical matter

        • Slovene@feddit.nl
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          1 个月前

          How right you are, Father. How right you are!

      • bennypr0fane@discuss.tchncs.de
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        That’s the thing about Jesus. He was sent to earth to finally be nice to humans by his vengeful, controlling father, as a gesture of reconciliation.

        • madcaesar@lemmy.world
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          God sounds like a massive piece of shit.

          Women must be subservient to men! Stone the gays! You can own human beings as property!

          JK! LOL Here’s my son, you can torture him to death in a horrific fashion, so we’re cool, right?

          No man… We’re pretty damn far from cool…

      • underwire212@lemm.ee
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        The Old Testament, to me at least, is essentially worthless. It has likely been mistranslated and misinterpreted over the many, many centuries of its existence to the point where its original meaning (if it had any in the first place) is gone.

        The NT is at least more readable and contains quite a bit of wisdom. Message is pretty simple: essentially, love and forgive others. Which we could all do more of, especially in this day and age.

        What I don’t necessarily agree with is needing obedience to a central dogma or organized religion…I think the only thing that matters is how you live your life and treat others. Doesn’t matter the religion, or lack of religion. We are all equal.

        • bunkyprewster@startrek.website
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          24 天前

          Paul kind of fucked any positivity in the New Testament

      • moseschrute@lemmy.zip
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        1 个月前

        Yeah but kids are often more progressive than the parents

  • BodePlotHole@lemmy.world
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    1 个月前

    If I saw this in the wild, I’d immediately hire the most attractive single person I could find to reply to this ad, go to church with them, and low-key try to have sex with either/both of them on the side

    • Lemminary@lemmy.world
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      1 个月前

      I’ve found Bible Satan.

      • BodePlotHole@lemmy.world
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        If that’s me, I hope it pays better than my current job…

  • Zip2@feddit.uk
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    deleted by creator

    • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      Now there’s a brand new sentence (probably)

      • funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works
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        nah I bet you could find a dozen death metal bands with that as the lyrics

    • knightmare1147@lemmy.world
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      Thank you, Internet.

    • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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      The church I grew up believed in immersion, not sprinkling. It’s not a no, but it’s gonna be more difficult.

      • Zip2@feddit.uk
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        deleted by creator

        • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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          We’ll deal with them walking on it if and when it happens

      • Tangent5280@lemmy.world
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        I am church contracted cum supplier, noseplugs sold separately

    • Omega@discuss.online
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      What the fuck

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        deleted by creator

  • Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    my partner and I did some butthole fingering at midnight up against a church the year we started dating

    we’ve been together for 13 years

    thank you jesus

    • outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      My first time was while vandalizing a church. Yeah it was pretty great. Be this couple’s unicorn.

    • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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      1 个月前

      It’s called the loophole!

      • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
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        If the loophole works it means God is okay with gay sex

        • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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          Why do you think he put the prostate up there? 🤭

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 @pawb.social
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    Weird way of looking for a threesome with another threesome but okay.

    • RBWells@lemmy.world
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      1 个月前

      “Come with us!”

  • hperrin@lemmy.ca
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    The sound like the second most insufferable couple ever, right after the couple that is going through a very public breakup right now.

  • dylanmorgan@sh.itjust.works
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    Would. Both of them.

    • Sivecano@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      The only correct response

    • pleasegoaway@lemm.ee
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      1 个月前

      “Come with us”

  • humanspiral@lemmy.ca
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    But you guys will put out after Church, right?

    • LandedGentry@lemmy.zip
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      deleted by creator

    • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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      They did don some crazy underwear in anticipation of the event. Also, polyamory is definitely on the table if they’re true to their founder’s beliefs and actions.

      • RedAggroBest@lemmy.world
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        Don’t sully polyamory with the misogyny that is polygamy. They want multiple wives to have multiple women to control

        • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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          I don’t think polygamy has to be misogynistic, although I agree that’s the way its been overwhelmingly applied throughout recorded history. It could hypothetically be misandrist if power dynamics had the opposite gender polarity. I think the core issue is the power imbalance being expressed in the construction of a harem. Anyway, I think of polyamory as the broad term and polygamy as an unfortunate subset of it, designed to legally and unilaterally enforce an inequitable and exploitive type of polyamorous relationship by members of one gender against the members of another. That’s a pretty broad generalization of gender, sex, and orientation dynamics, but I’m not an expert in the field. I assume there’s still some kind of conventional, ontological hierarchy with corresponding terminology. I think that’s what I was reaching for.

          • RedAggroBest@lemmy.world
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            It’s about the term. Polyamory and Polygamy could basically mean the same thing if polygamy wasn’t already having heavy ties to a man controlling a harem of women.

            • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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              Yeah, connotation and context are important.

  • M137@lemmy.world
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    *this is a real offer to cum with us!!

    • sebsch@discuss.tchncs.de
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      With Jesus’ little extra

  • Lord Wiggle@lemmy.world
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    I’m willing to go to church on her, not interested in the guy though

    • altphoto@lemmy.today
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      Give him a chance. He just wants to watch.

      • Lord Wiggle@lemmy.world
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        Fine by me, I’ll teach him a few things like finding the clitoris

        • altphoto@lemmy.today
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          OK but that’s not her name.

    • BenLeMan@lemmy.world
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      As long as you only soak it, he won’t be able to object.

  • Sidyctism II.@discuss.tchncs.de
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    i dont care if you call him “little extra jesus”, spencer, PUT HIM AWAY IN CHURCH

  • kubica@fedia.io
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    Disgusting.

    • klu9@piefed.social
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      I’ve got nothing against their kind per se, but do they have to shove it down our throats?

      • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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        Kinda. The most powerful, fastest growing and largest religions seem to depend on aggressive proselytizing.

Funny: Home of the Haha@lemmy.world

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