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Joined 11 months ago
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Cake day: March 14th, 2025

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  • Let me tell you, I’ve discovered the best way to meet people effortlessly (more or less). I’ve consumed a lot of dating content on youtube, and learned a lot in the process. One of the videos I watched ranked places to meet people, and two of the top places were dance class and run clubs. I’ve been doing both. I run with a couple of different run clubs, and while I enjoy getting a good workout in, run clubs haven’t been very productive for me to meet women. One of the things that I feel is hindering me in that regard is that I’m not a great runner and pretty slow. In general, women are attracted to high status men, and status is contextual. As a slow runner, my status in the running context isn’t very high, and I feel that as a consequence, the women I meet in that context aren’t seeing me as a good prospect. YMMV. That said, I have met people at run clubs, so you may wish to find one in your area.

    Dancing classes, however, have been a gold mine. I started at the end of last August taking ballroom dancing lessons to dip my toes in the water. While there are some younger people, the median age at the ballroom dance class I take is about 65. While on the surface, that may not seem like a good environment, I stand out in it. I’m fit, good looking, and dress sharp, and women notice. Women understand much better than men that being attractive is not something that you are or are not, but rather something that you cultivate. Most men don’t do much to improve their appearance and as they age just let themselves go. As a consequence, I am hands-down the most attractive man that regularly attends class, and always have women vying for my attention. I am the “big fish” in a small pond, and to the extent there are women in that group I am interested in, I am definitely on their radar.

    Dancing is particularly good for meeting people and fostering a romantic context, because it involves physical contact within your partner’s intimate zone. I chuckle when dating advice videos talk about “breaking the touch barrier”, because in the dancing context you’re basically holding hands with your arm around them, standing in their intimate zone from the outset.

    In addition, the dancing context overlays strong gender roles. As a man, I am the “lead” and the woman is the “follow”, and I communicate with her with my body. As the song says:

    Bodies in conversation

    Use your imagination

    I like it

    When we dance

    Even if you don’t meet anyone in dance class, you’re learning a valuable skill that can only help you in the competitive arena of dating. Think about it. You’ve seen videos of birds doing their mating dances, tail feathers flared out. The mating dance for humans is dancing.

    While ballroom was my initial foray into dancing, swing dancing and the social dancing scene has been amazing for me. It’s hard to get really good quickly at ballroom dancing, as there are fewer opportunities to practice. None of the nightclubs in my city have “Tango Night” or “Foxtrot Night”, but a whole lot of them cater to various popular social dances, including salsa, cumbia, swing, etc. Where I am at, you can go out and meet people dancing almost any night of the week. Moreover, as a lead, if you are any good at all you’ll have attractive women lining up to dance with you. It’s more difficult to be a lead, so follows tend to outnumber leads. My current focus is on East Coast Swing and Lindy Hop, but I still do the ballroom dancing as well. It’s good to be well-rounded.

    I cannot overstate how helpful dancing has been for me with respect to meeting women. After a prolonged period of social isolation while I worked on myself following my divorce, I went from a social circle of zero (I literally had no one in my life), to an enormous social circle, with fun events to attend several nights per week, and a wide array of dating prospects. I highly recommend it.




  • After 21 years of marriage and about 5 years of working on myself after divorce, I’m finally dipping my toes in the dating pool. Honestly, it’s not as bad as people make it out to be. I don’t use dating apps, as they weren’t around when I was previously single and I don’t see them as likely being effective for me. I’m 60, but good looking and extremely fit, most people assume I’m in my mid 40s, and I do a decent job of attracting interested women in their 30s and 40s. I feel that I’d be screened out by age on dating apps and not even seen by women in my target demographic, whereas in person I do really well. Overall, reentering the dating pool has been an interesting experience. One surprising thing is that women over 40 are much more forward with me than I’m used to. They ask me if I’m single, ask for my phone number, and even proposition me point blank at times. Overall, it’s been a very positive experience for me, and I feel like I do at least as well or better than I did in my youth (which was pretty good).


  • Context is everything. Sure, men are more aggressive and women will definitely get some unwanted attention. People often think that as a consequence, women don’t want to be approached by men in public. However, if you dig deeper, women don’t mind being approached, so long it is done by someone they want to be approached by. It is the reality captured by the “Hello, Human Resources” meme.


  • I think it may be a little more complex than this. I’m a man that was quite good looking in my youth. I got fat and ugly in middle age, and became invisible to women. Now, at 60, I’m in the best physical shape of my life, have largely recovered my looks, I dress nicely, and am blown away about how differently I am treated by women now, especially women over 40. I regularly get compliments about my appearance, and due to the halo effect I seem to collect compliments on nearly everything I do. Having been invisible to women for more than a decade, it feels a little strange to be showered with attention.

    That said, not every woman wants the same thing from me, but they do all seem to want my attention, including married women, oddly enough. They want to feel pretty, feel desired, even if they aren’t going to act on those feelings. I frequently get women showing clear signs of interest (intentionally putting themselves in my orbit, mirroring my behavior, initiating physical touch, etc., etc.) in an effort to draw a response from me, even women who are not in a position to follow through on their actions. These are not women just being kind or benignly friendly. Here is one recent example. I was at a friend’s birthday party, and was approached by a woman I had met in dance class. She was moderately flirty during the the course of our conversation, and asked if I were seeing anyone, as she had noted seeing me regularly with one of my female friends. Our conversation ended with her stating that she was looking forward to seeing me in class. At the next class, she wore a sexy black cocktail dress, which was a bit out of character for her. For me, she was showing clear and unmistakable signs of interest. However, when talking, she mentions her husband in passing, which made me wonder what the hell was going on. I later learned that her husband is in the late stages of pancreatic cancer. My takeaway from this experience is that she was trying to elicit my interest to bask in the glow of my male attention, and that she probably isn’t looking to step out on him (which is something that I wouldn’t engage with).

    In the last 6 months, I’ve had many other similar experiences, where women are definitely seeking my attention in circumstances where they have no intention of following through. It feels good to be desired, whether you are a man or a woman, and if a woman is constantly drawing romantic interest “accidentally”, it’s worth it for her to consider what energy she is putting out.





  • I live in San Diego, CA, which apart from a bit of rain in December and January, has really nice weather year round. They’ve been slowly upgrading the bike lanes to provide better isolation from cars. There’s still lots of room for improvement, but I bike most everywhere these days and it’s awesome. With e-bikes becoming so cheap and widespread, I can’t help but think better bike lanes would benefit a lot of people.