Ah. Okay then. Sometimes looking at yourself from the perspective of the other can help you see things that are more visible from outside.

For example: you could ‘hear’ yourself make a joke in your head about not wanting to go home and, because you have the perspective granted by being both the joker and the listener, you might be able to read that as the sort of joke someone might make when in an abusive relationship. Same goes for a joke about suicide, paranoiac explanations, etc. Finding a way to give yourself enough emotional distance from your own thoughts to judge them objectively is actually a part of certain styles of therapy. OP is essentially describing a certain kind of epiphany that can come from introspection, whether alone or guided by a therapist.