My wife gets overwhelmed easily and shuts down (ADHD, likely AuADHD). Irrespective of ADHD (diagnosed) or any other undiagnosed conditions, I also have trauma that manifests as an insecure attachment style, I both try to explain harder and seek bids for connection/reassurance while she’s increasingly disassociating/internally panicking.
We love each other fiercely, but it took a lot of self-work and the (ever-ongoing) development of coping skills to figure out how to identify, let alone avoid, that trap. It’s a real challenge for us both.
No idea if the above is relatable, but I feel you on the over-explaining.
This is what I call “Aspiesplaining”. I do this way too often and it’s nearly cost me my marriage. But damn, it just seems so natural.
My wife gets overwhelmed easily and shuts down (ADHD, likely AuADHD). Irrespective of ADHD (diagnosed) or any other undiagnosed conditions, I also have trauma that manifests as an insecure attachment style, I both try to explain harder and seek bids for connection/reassurance while she’s increasingly disassociating/internally panicking.
We love each other fiercely, but it took a lot of self-work and the (ever-ongoing) development of coping skills to figure out how to identify, let alone avoid, that trap. It’s a real challenge for us both.
No idea if the above is relatable, but I feel you on the over-explaining.
Thank you for sharing. I can relate.
I’m fortunate that we’ve been together for nearly 20 years. It has taken work, but recognizing the pattern been a key insight.