This is shocking to people who live in the suburbs. People in big cities are used to being around people and understand that they are “neighbors” to all people around them. Suburbanites are terrified of strangers and cities because they can’t fathom not driving a 4-ton SUV to a parking lot as a precursor to anything in life.
This really is an east coast / west coast thing though.
West coasters are more insular and stereotypically suburbanite.
Nice but not kind.
Not outwardly hostile but won’t break their own protected little bubble to help a stranger, usually.
East coast, we’ll tell you you’re an idiot for hitting that piece of slag in the road while helping you change a tire.
Kind, but not nice.
We go out of our way sometimes to help, but you’re gonna get an earful or no conversation at all (as in OP’s story).
Exactly this! Cities have such a bad reputation for being impersonal and anonymous, but in reality that just means people here are way more willing to trust strangers.
A few months ago my partner and I were struggling to parallel park late in the evening (we rarely drive, that day was an exception where we borrowed his mom’s car to transport some larger items) and a random guy saw us struggle and offered to help. We absolutely took him up on it, so he got in the driver’s seat and parked the car for us. Then he got out, we thanked him and he continued on his way like it was the most normal thing ever. The fact that he could have just driven off probably didn’t cross anyone’s mind haha
Still depends on the city though. Like in a city like LA where a lot of people drive in their little SUV safe space many have that suburbanite mindset even if they live right in the middle of the city.
It’s like that joke. In Los Angeles, your car is on the side of the road with a flat tire. People slow down, roll down their windows, and say: “Oh my God, that’s terrible! Are you okay? I’m so sorry this happened to you!” and then they drive off.
In New York, your car is on the side of the road with a flat tire. Someone yells: “What, are you an idiot? You can’t park here!” and then they get out of the car and help you change the tire.
I lived in both. I loved living in the city for anonymity - I could go anywhere without fear of someone talking to me. I love living in the burbs for the community - we know our neighbors and they know us/our kids. Both have value for different times in people’s lives.
A big city does not at all make neighbours out of everyone. The social dynamic is way different, because you see neighbours again and again for years, whereas you will never see that guy on the bus again in your life. There is fear about strangers in cities because if you do something horrible, like assaulting or robbing someone, you will likely never face any consequences. In a small town if you punch someone, word will get around and, even if you can’t be dealt with by the authorities, you’ll face negative consequences from society.
I’ve lived in several sized cities, from a few thousand people to over 10 million.
In my experience it’s a bit of everything, both ways.
People are more keenly aware of were “your rights stop and minbe start”. They’re more ok with smaller personal space and rights but will defend those more strongly, the bigger and more denselly populated the city more strongly they do it (after having moved to and live in London for a why I though I was quite a bit more short fused on those things than most … and then I became friends with a New Yorker …)
Then there’s the whole social pressure thing: the bigger and more diverse the crouds you’re used to the less you care about the opinions of stranger - you’ll almost certainly never see them again, plus there are tons of people doing their own thing so why shouldn’t you do your own thing.
Finally, the “I’ll never see this person again” thing means that people who feel no qualm about taking advantage of others will also not fear reprisals, which in turn means that everybody else is far more suspicious of strangers since they’re far more likely to be taken advantage of or know somebody who was taken advantage of than people in smaller places.
The same benefit you mentioned regarding small towns is also their biggest downside. In your example, it 100% matters who is doing the punching. From personal experience, if a girl is raped by the high school’s star athlete, it is the girl who is ostracized by the town for going to the police. Small towns can be incredibly dangerous to outsiders (with outsider meaning any family without at least three generations worth of full-time residence)
This is shocking to people who live in the suburbs. People in big cities are used to being around people and understand that they are “neighbors” to all people around them. Suburbanites are terrified of strangers and cities because they can’t fathom not driving a 4-ton SUV to a parking lot as a precursor to anything in life.
This really is an east coast / west coast thing though.
West coasters are more insular and stereotypically suburbanite.
Nice but not kind.
Not outwardly hostile but won’t break their own protected little bubble to help a stranger, usually.
East coast, we’ll tell you you’re an idiot for hitting that piece of slag in the road while helping you change a tire.
Kind, but not nice.
We go out of our way sometimes to help, but you’re gonna get an earful or no conversation at all (as in OP’s story).
Exactly this! Cities have such a bad reputation for being impersonal and anonymous, but in reality that just means people here are way more willing to trust strangers.
A few months ago my partner and I were struggling to parallel park late in the evening (we rarely drive, that day was an exception where we borrowed his mom’s car to transport some larger items) and a random guy saw us struggle and offered to help. We absolutely took him up on it, so he got in the driver’s seat and parked the car for us. Then he got out, we thanked him and he continued on his way like it was the most normal thing ever. The fact that he could have just driven off probably didn’t cross anyone’s mind haha
Still depends on the city though. Like in a city like LA where a lot of people drive in their little SUV safe space many have that suburbanite mindset even if they live right in the middle of the city.
It’s like that joke. In Los Angeles, your car is on the side of the road with a flat tire. People slow down, roll down their windows, and say: “Oh my God, that’s terrible! Are you okay? I’m so sorry this happened to you!” and then they drive off.
In New York, your car is on the side of the road with a flat tire. Someone yells: “What, are you an idiot? You can’t park here!” and then they get out of the car and help you change the tire.
I lived in both. I loved living in the city for anonymity - I could go anywhere without fear of someone talking to me. I love living in the burbs for the community - we know our neighbors and they know us/our kids. Both have value for different times in people’s lives.
A big city does not at all make neighbours out of everyone. The social dynamic is way different, because you see neighbours again and again for years, whereas you will never see that guy on the bus again in your life. There is fear about strangers in cities because if you do something horrible, like assaulting or robbing someone, you will likely never face any consequences. In a small town if you punch someone, word will get around and, even if you can’t be dealt with by the authorities, you’ll face negative consequences from society.
I’ve lived in several sized cities, from a few thousand people to over 10 million.
In my experience it’s a bit of everything, both ways.
People are more keenly aware of were “your rights stop and minbe start”. They’re more ok with smaller personal space and rights but will defend those more strongly, the bigger and more denselly populated the city more strongly they do it (after having moved to and live in London for a why I though I was quite a bit more short fused on those things than most … and then I became friends with a New Yorker …)
Then there’s the whole social pressure thing: the bigger and more diverse the crouds you’re used to the less you care about the opinions of stranger - you’ll almost certainly never see them again, plus there are tons of people doing their own thing so why shouldn’t you do your own thing.
Finally, the “I’ll never see this person again” thing means that people who feel no qualm about taking advantage of others will also not fear reprisals, which in turn means that everybody else is far more suspicious of strangers since they’re far more likely to be taken advantage of or know somebody who was taken advantage of than people in smaller places.
The same benefit you mentioned regarding small towns is also their biggest downside. In your example, it 100% matters who is doing the punching. From personal experience, if a girl is raped by the high school’s star athlete, it is the girl who is ostracized by the town for going to the police. Small towns can be incredibly dangerous to outsiders (with outsider meaning any family without at least three generations worth of full-time residence)
Yep, the reason people developed police forces is to try and get away from what amounts to little more than mob justice.