Who gives a fuck. If someone rejects the premise that good for people isn’t good policy, fuck em. I’m tired of pretending their opinion matters.

Sorry to be spicy but like… I just don’t think we need to validate them or pay attention. Let’s build something not placate them.

I don’t think we need to have an either or mentality. We need to break out of the idea that things need a perfect, direct ROI. That just reinforces financial overlords to do layoffs and to favor capital and the rich.

$700M in free busses could open up a world of happier people, access to better jobs and better Healthcare through better access.

There is more to ROI than direct financial returns, and we have to get out of the language of the venture capitalist. You say that it is “just generally improving the quality of a society”. That IS a return on investment. And it’s more important in my mind than a financial gain. We need to start treating happiness like it’s something worth pursuing. We say money can’t buy happiness, but then base all our decision making on money like it’s the key to everything.

I’m never going to say don’t wait for facts.

But the issue is that “the facts” can take years to assertain… Sometimes there’s a lot of damage that can be done.

It’s a delicate balance. People weaponize “wait for the facts” to just delay and dull the impact. Like most things, it’s not black and white.

I don’t think saying “most” is the best application here.

Honestly, I think we have to recognize that even the appearance of sincerity is honestly further than where most politics is at right now.

You don’t necessarily have to praise it if you think that, but at least we can give credit that at least the words were the right message, even if you think the intention was not.

We need to reset the bar. I think people (not you) are actively trying to say that it was all fake and she only did it for political gain, etc. Maybe that’s true, but at least for right now her message was good. I mean Trump’s portion was a fucking disaster.

We don’t have to praise it, but it’s hard to criticize. I think the criticism galvanizes harsher responses, and it’s an easy thing to focus on as a good thing. Yes, forgiveness is a good thing. I mean she actually spoke about Jesus in correct context and didn’t completely bastardize the message to jail refugees in inhumane conditions. It’s a step in the right direction, even of the intention was hollow.

At least we could start there.

Oh 100% on that. Part of that Billings Ovulation Method is that you need open communication and the practice takes both people.

I understand that it’s not practical for all couples or situations, but it’s an option for some that isn’t talked about much.

I mean I want people to łook them up. A lot of studies have them at 99% effective, but with perfect use, which I noted above. Wikipedia says 0.5%-3%, but it depends on the study.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billings_ovulation_method

Realistically, quoting stats doesn’t change anyone’s mind. I doubt you’ll really believe the above. I’m sure you can find things that list it higher, or that you should use typical use rates, which is a completely fair criticism. As I said, this method is not for everyone.

I’m gonna get hammered here because this is Lemmy and anything even loosely associated with Natural Family Planning is going to get down voted.

There are very specific and narrow methods that work well (not perfectly, obviously). I won’t quote and statistics here.

To start up top, if you want to use any method of birth control, do it. It’s up to you entirely, I don’t judge anyone at all.

Also, anything related to the calendar method, day counting, or any such nonsense fuckin sucks. Some like to rope that into natural family planning because they are super simple… But super simple doesn’t work.

If anyone is interested in learning about one that actually has scientific backing, it would be the Billings Ovulation Method. But it’s not day tracking or anything… You need to do some work. You need to learn about it, learn your own body, and be diligent. And most importantly, use alternative methods when you aren’t sure.

Again, I’m willing to bring on the downvotes, but I hope people research before assuming it’s all bullshit.

And just to be clear: If you want something easy, use birth control.

As an edit: I want to fully acknowledge the gap between typical use and perfect use. My wife and I are certainly in the perfect use category… Her dad is a doctor and we are well aware of all the science behind it. If you aren’t going to put in the work, the method is NOT for you. At all.

Sorry for the shift in tone here but this is absurd…

I will continue to show up when it matters and do things like actively promote a great documentary on the day trans people’s rights were stripped away from Iowans because of our dumbass legislature, because I cried watching friends of mine in that room being actively hurt by a government that should protect them. And continue to do the hard work to change the minds of bigoted people in my community, but yes let’s pretend I’m just virtue signaling on an anonymous forum for “optics”. I am actually doing real work and I won’t apologize for not having patience for people saying I don’t do enough because I say mentioning maybe Harry Potter in the proper context is probably fine. It’s not the thing we need people paying attention to right now.

There’s so much more hurt out there. If we boycotted Harry Potter entirely and wiped it from existence in an instant, the average trans persons life doesn’t get suddenly get better.

It’s fucking irritating. We’re wasting breath talking about one stupid fucking lady and an imaginary wizard pretending it’s a leading issue for the trans movement. You can hate me for saying it, but I’m fighting for bigger change than trying to make JK Rowling irrelevant. I would rather raise awareness about the systemic harm that I’m actively witnessing in laws being passed removing trans people’s protected status. That’s a FAR bigger issue.

I appreciate it.

There was a part of me that got tired of being shouted down because I wasn’t whatever they wanted me to be. Or being told that I can’t have an opinion because I’m not one of the people affected.

I mean generally I agree with that. As a white dude, it’s not OK for me to pretend that my opinion on the treatment of black women is accurate, or even that I can fathom what that is like. However, there is some level of voice I need to have to be a part of the movement.

There was a massive rise in this sentiment that people needed to support these groups they weren’t a member of but only if they were completely silent. You need to build a movement and people generated apathy on some topics. I remember sort of giving up talking about things because I had every so slightly different perspectives, and I would get cast into the “you aren’t a real ally” bucket.

I’m also not convinced I’m right all the time either… I’m constantly listening and changing my perspective, but you need to leave room for people to do so. But that’s what I mean by building durability. My beliefs in trans rights are strong because I have challenged, listened, and adapted. They are truly my beliefs, not just things I’m told I need to believe in.

You’re actively alienating people from the movement you say you’re a part of.

You are doing more damage than I am, and continuing to alienate people over your perception of a strict adherence to what is right is not helping.

You’re trying to use childish spelling to say I can’t get over not having Harry Potter. I’m not even arguing it’s good. I probably bring it up maybe once a year? And pretty much always with a caveat of wishing the author wasn’t such an asshole. Yet that isn’t enough for your purity test apparently. I would reflect on the fact that you need allies that you don’t agree with to build a movement. Right now you’re narrowing your scope to a tiny percentage of people, all because you can’t imagine that maybe you aren’t fully and totally correct on this topic, and you want to try and belittle me into agreeing with you.

I don’t think I’ll continue the conversation from here. I hope you limit further damage and alienation to people trying to be on your side.

I want to be respectful here, but this has a lot of issues embedded in it.

This kind of rhetoric rises from what I’ve called the Authoritarian Left, which is an immensely detrimental wing. It’s a group where there is no nuance.

You say that if a trans person says it’s hurting them I should stop doing it. OK, but what if a republican says it? Now suddenly I should ignore them? You can’t base your entire ideology on what members of groups say or demand that others adhere to yours simply because you think you’re right.

I love trans people, and I actively fight for them and their rights. But why? I’ll tell you, it’s not because Democrats told me to love them, or a religious leader, or anyone in politics. I looked at the world critically and found their cause worthy.

I’m a durable ally. I’ll stick with it when it’s not cool or trendy, or when it comes at a cost. But that’s because I arrived at those truths myself.

To loop all the way back to the premise - if talking about Harry Potter at all hurts Trans people, then this post hurts trans people. If you disagree with that, then nuance exists. And I’m saying in the nuance of how and who I talk about any topic with, I know and understand that those people understand the situation.

I don’t make public posts about Harry Potter. I often talk about how JK Rowling is a garbage person. My friends have a Harry Potter party that they’ve been hosting for years, and every person there is of a similar mindset that trans people deserve so much more than they are getting.

You have to allow more than one idea in your head at the same time. If you’re making the rule “talking about Harry Potter in any way, at any time, makes you an active enemy of the trans movement”, then that’s not a place I want to be associated with.

If you want advice - focus on how JK Rowling is harming people. Elevate that as much as you can. When you make these purity tests, you make people not give a shit because it makes it impossible to adhere to the strict and narrow path you say is OK.

This authoritarian left wing of democrats is what got Trump elected. They are so hard nosed on every issue they completely isolate people and make these issues harder to fight for, not easier. You’re heart is in the right place, but we live in a world full of nuance, and the real trick is not scolding people into adherence, but it’s coalition building and asking people to think critically about their choices. They have to find their beliefs, you can’t just demand them.

I think these hard line stances do more harm than good.

My wife and I are active in not supporting any new things, but to talk about how you think it’s morally wrong to even talk about the franchise is going to alienate a ton of people.

I feel fine talking about it, and the memories I had with it. Because everyone I surround myself with is completely aligned that Harry Potter was meaningful when we were kids and also JK Rowling is a complete fucking asshat.

This sort of purity testing has got to stop. If mentioning the name of Harry Potter marks someone as a transphobe who is equally as bad as politicians actively stripping them of their rights… The movement will never build a coalition.

Saying that financially supporting JK Rowling is actively harming the trans community is a reasonable argument. Saying that talking about Harry Potter, even if you note that JK Rowling sucks, makes you an outright transphobe is not reasonable to me.

I don’t like most of the responses here so I’m offer my own. Love is not found it is built.

My wife and I got married young. I’m 34 and I’ll be celebrating my 9th anniversary in under a week.

Love is where all those things come together. We have the deepest friendship. We’re weird in the same ways and we’ve basically developed our own brand of humor. I can make my wife laugh literally with a look.

Love is also a commitment to never, ever bail. It’s unlike anything else. With friends, you still try to be good company or you wouldn’t tell them the deep thoughts. But my wife and I can share anything. We’re so intertwined that there’s more understanding than judgment. We can say things we don’t like about people, about the world, about ourselves. We can be truly vulnerable.

We didn’t find love, we built it. From 25 to 34 I’m a phenomenally different person, but we’re like two planets oscillating around each other. Our orbit influences the other, and vice versa. We never would have been these people if we weren’t together. With most friends I feel like they may have some influence… But in marriage it’s just undeniable.

It’s a truly unique thing. But I will say I couldn’t understand it until I had it. And I still don’t. Dating for 4 years wasn’t the same as marriage after 1 which wasn’t the same as marriage after 5 and that’s not the same as it is now after almost 9 years. It’s always growing, always deepening, and it’s just insanely personal at a very deep level.

Kinda sounds like you have your own definition of what constitutes an “April Fools joke” and your are assigning negative connotations to it. I don’t think that’s an objective fact.

“April Fools is not [fun for everyone]” is an opinion more than a fact. I don’t think anyone disagrees with your underlying premise that mean spirited “jokes” don’t belong in the workplace, but rather your assertion that it’s a prerequisite for April Fools jokes to be mean spirited.

Also, if we are going to bring the level of scrutiny to all jokes that you are bringing… I don’t think it is even possible to design a “joke” that would pass your test.

I would hope so. I think it would be the right thing to do. But I don’t think Democrats would see all the “instant landslide wins” that are talked about. I don’t think they can accurately predict how that will go. I just don’t buy that the average non-voter is definitely voting Democrat.

But again - we should push for it because I think it’s the right thing to do, not because I think it’s good strategy.

I don’t think this is clear cut anymore. Low information voters broke very hard for Trump. Democrats have work to do to win back the average voter, but the adage of “we win when people turn out” broke in this last election.

Democrats need to get off their ass and offer something better. The fact that Trump won so handily should be a damn wake up call that they are out of touch. Republicans message sucks ass, but it still beat the hell out of Democrats. The party leadership needs an overhaul because they are floundering and trotting out these old adages excuses how piss poor they’ve done leading the party.

“don’t care if its fake or not”

Boy this sounds familiar. It’s exactly the same mentality that made people stick with Trump.

This kind of nonsense erodes the valid criticism. How many times do people say “Look at the idiot Trump supporters, they’re all hung up on something that didn’t even happen.” Or how people make fun of the AI generated shirtless Trump pictures.

Everyone here is actively participating in that, but you’re changing the rules because you don’t like this guy. All the things you said about them they are now saying about you. And they are right.

I’m not pro-Elon, he sucks. But I want to keep the limited attention that people have laser focused on his actual words and actions, not this dumb shit.

No.

And by no I mean we’re not just now asking that. A lot of us already knew we were the baddies. We have been.

I mean it’s bad for you in the way that salt is bad for you… Too much without anything to balance it is bad, but used correctly it actually has benefits. The fat free diet to me is the same as trying to have a salt free diet… There’s probably more going on there than just that one thing.

He’s been working on that for 4.5 years. 10s of thousands of attempts.

The grind is so real