Men’s lack of deep, close friendships has been in the spotlight lately. A recent Pew Research Center study found that 54% of women say they turn to a friend for emotional support, but only 38% of men say they do. Essayist Sam Graham-Felsen and American Institute for Boys and Men CEO Richard Reeves join John Yang to discuss why some men seem to struggle with maintaining social connections.
Huh… 38% of men turn to a friend when in need opposed to 54% of women. A 16% difference doesn’t seem, like, huge.
Maybe we should be talking more about why people are so closed off just in general?
A 16% difference is a huge gap!
Let’s put that in context for a second here; let’s say you are a man with 100 friends, only 38 feel comfortable reaching out to you when they need help. The other 62 don’t feel comfortable reaching out for help, meaning they feel as if they have to deal with it alone.
Now let’s consider if you were a woman in the same setting. 54 feel comfortable reaching out and 46 don’t feel comfortable.
In this case that’s 16 more lives that are negatively impacted in men.
Now when we factor in the actual population numbers for each group it gets significantly worse. And since this study is done on Americans let’s apply that to the entire population of the country using data from Neilsberg Research. With there being roughly 164,545,087 men and 167,842,453 women.
For the men that means about 62,527,133 men feel comfortable asking for help, looks like a lot until we look at the remainder. 102,017,954, roughly, don’t feel comfortable reaching out. That’s nearly 2/3s of men aren’t getting help when they need to.
For women about 90,634,925 are seeking help when they need it. That’s a gap of 28 million people from where the men are! While 77,207,528 are not getting help, 24,810,426 less women are not getting help.
That’s what a 16% gap actually means and it’s insanely huge.
Yeah, like, I know how numbers work… but the prevailing narrative for my entire adult life has been that men are isolationist monsters who never reach out for help while women are inherently social creatures.
16% doesn’t really support this narrative. Seems like about half the population isn’t comfortable talking to other people, which seems like it might indicate that society needs to change a bit, rather than just men.
Slightly over a one half vs slightly over one third is pretty significant.
That’s giving some all lives matter energy. We can talk about why everyone is so closed off in general, but this thread clearly focuses on a particular men’s issue under that umbrella issue. So no, we should talk about the topic, not hijack it for “a larger issue”.
I’m a thread about the wage gap between men and women (10-15%), you don’t say “We should be talking about why the economy is struggling instead”
In a thread about the incarceration gap between blacks and whites, you don’t say “We should be talking about why crime is up overall instead”
You make a great point about society needing to change, and a particular men’s issue doesn’t mean only men need to change, it actually does speak to how broader society considers what it is to be a man. How men decide that for themselves, are socialized by their environment into it, and how they’re treated by other genders. Just as women’s issues are human issues, men’s issues are human issues too.
Nah, straw man for days. You don’t get to dismiss the substance by equating to something I never said.
16% is not “men have a problem and women are fine” and we need to be able to admit when our initial impressions may be off.
More to the point: 46% of women don’t reach out when they need help according to this poll. Pretty close to half, which I feel fundamentally challenges my initial impressions and is worth talking about. I would have assumed it to be more like the inverse of men.
If about half of people are struggling, seems worthwhile to address.
It’s not a strawman. Just because the proportions aren’t as extreme as you expected doesn’t mean it’s not an issue. Just because we’re talking about the gap here doesn’t dismiss the overall problem of isolation. There are many many threads talking about the problem of social isolation overall. Go engage in those threads that are addressing the problem you’re newly woke to and are holding so urgently now instead of bickering in here about who should be talking about what where.
That’s a 30% decrease.
Indeed.