One girl dumped me after a few dates, nothing special, and she was super apologetic. She said she’d understand if I called her a fucking bitch and blocked her. I was so offended by that comment. I’m not one of those insecure guys who flips out when they get rejected. I can handle being dumped! I can’t believe she thought so lowly of me! Fucking bitch!
Self fulfilling prophecy?
That’s the joke.
What a cunt! Fuck her!
Thats because they are afraid you’re going to lose it and verbally, physically or mentally abuse them.
I had a friend call me one night because she said no to a guy and he started threatening to kill himself. Like damn. That’s some insane guilt-tripping, manipulative bullshit right out the gate. And this wasn’t the first time this happened to her too.
It would be so hard me not to say “do it pussy.”
The concern there is they may decide to take you with them.
Oh please, not every bitchass is worth worrying about. Just be smart and armed.
Username checks out
My mom did this in high school when a guy who was stalking her threatened to kill himself.
He’s still alive, over thirty years later.
What a coward.
If you’re feeling especially strong about it you could call the cops for a welfare check on them.
I don’t think the cops shooting his dog and deporting his mom would help.
Depends if you live in a civilised country or not
That’s the right answer.
If you live in a civilized nation call the police immediately. If it is a real they will save him, if it is not, he will get prosecuted (threatening to take ones life is a form of black mail). Also the necessary people who can help you and him will get informed.
A friend of mine actually did this and it resolved the situation. He had a talk with the police, admitted the mistake and never did something like that (to her) again.
It’s happened to me. I called his friend and they came and collected him and his stuff.
That reminds me of one of my ex’s, she did far worse things but that shit still fucked with my head a lot too.
Lol, a suicide threat was just my average day in the life, growing up in an immensely dysfunctional family.
And uh, not just cries for attention type shit, had to talk knives away from people’s own throats… I think at least twice, somebody would have OD’d so hard they’d have died if not for me stabilizing them and calling an ambulance.
… I’m enjoying being a hermit these days, and will not be continuing my genetic line.
I have several such cases among my friends
Wait, aren’t women the ones more likely to use emotional manipulation though?
In my experience as a bi-woman, no. There are equally as many emotionally manipulative men and women. For men it often takes the form of “If you don’t do this physical thing (kiss, sex etc), you don’t like me.” or “If you ask for this security measure (meeting at a public place, using condomes), you don’t really like me.”
What are you basing this on
Aren’t all the claims in this thread baseless?
Seems people missed the point lmfao.
A small group of idiots can do a disproportionate amount of damage. These men can’t get and keep a lady, so go on a disproportionate number of first dates.
It’s the same with the inverse, “bunny boilers”. Far more men have been on the receiving end than most women expect. For women it’s even more extreme. It takes a woman a while to build to that emotional state. The male equivalent can go bang after just a few messages, or a single date.
What in the sexist generalizations
I mean, they started with “a few of”.
For those who didn’t know,
(AI)
A “bunny boiler” is a slang term for a dangerously obsessive, vengeful person (usually a woman) spurned by a lover, originating from the iconic 1987 film Fatal Attraction, where Glenn Close’s character boils a pet rabbit to terrorize her ex-lover’s family. The term describes an unstable individual prone to extreme, often violent, emotional outbursts after rejection, becoming a cultural shorthand for such behavior.And this shit?
The male equivalent can go bang after just a few messages, or a single date.
That’s only if you need women that badly, or men, or anything.
I just need my fellow male co-workers to stop being toxic, or threatening to do things to me.
I need my male friends to stop tearing me down too (taken care of, went no contact).
I got decent friends, but I’m stuck with certain crude co-workers who display disgusting behavior (like insisting I grab my female co-worker by the pussy, and so on).
EDIT: If it was not obvious, most of my disgruntment (and distrust for women by extension) is actually due to awful treatment from male friends. So if I could date at all, I would rather not, or would rather put it off, because I don’t want to get burned by women too. The lesson I guess, is that most of men’s suffering is actually from other men.
What kind of 3rd world country do you work in? Any many doing that shit would be fired so fast here its not funny.
Oh you know, Serbia. Can someone just nuke us already please? If there is an invasion, I’m helping it out.
don’t be a doormat, proper response is ‘ok’
*edit for clarity, I’m talking about the guy threatening to kill himself, she needs to hard cutoff that guy
She called someone who she trusts in a time when she needed support. I made sure she was safe, calm and around people she felt safe being around for the rest of the night.
Before that night, we became our own little mental health support group so of course I’m going to make sure she feels safe after dealing with some unhinged shit like how that guy was acting.
Also she lives in a different country, her life is her own as much as my life is my own in my own country. It’s possible for two people to be friends, care for each other and not expect to be in an intimate or romantic relationship with each other.
what? not her my dude, him
i was so very confused
Aaah sorry, I thought the earlier comment initially came off as dismissive towards my friend. All good.
I don’t recall what my friend said but dude got kicked out of the glow-in-the-dark mini golf place and she got to have his drink for free before finding her safe friends again. Problem solved itself fortunately.
“men are scared women will laugh in their face, while women are scared it’s their lives men will take”
Still sounds like HR
Yeah yeah all men are shit./s
They have police, cutting people off, & public shaming for that.
Ah yes, the police, the institution that is widely respected as being effective at ending domestic violence, filled with people who would never perpetrate such domestic violence themselves.
As someone who lives in rural Scotland and is old enough to have got married before the prevalence of these apps, I genuinely never expected to find the way most people hook up these days to be so utterly alien to my own lived experience.
I honestly don’t know how I’d cope with having to curate myself for some dystopian line-up so that, if I’m lucky, I can end up on these depressingly transactional dates, only to get these polite but impersonal rebuffs.
In my day people just got drunk enough to speak to the opposite sex, and if you clicked and miraculously still liked each other the next day then you’d start ‘going out’ with each other.
I can see how that might sound awful to many of this generation, but it was pretty much normal for us. And as a pretty plain guy with a reasonable sense of humour it worked out pretty well for me.
That’s still how it works often. You’re just on Lemmy/social media, which is full of terminally online folks and content.
I think this person broke up with ChatGPT
There are scattered reports of women using LLM bots in the dating process.
Indeed
Jaffa kree!
Hopefully amusing aside: When I first got into SG-1 I was taking French classes in high school, so in my head I always spelled in “Jaffa, Cris!”
Eh, the AI will get over it.
I’d rather get something like this instead of seeing it die off slowly and then not getting a straight answer or getting blindsided. Just rip the bandaid off—be honest about what’s going on. If you can’t learn to handle these situations and handle your emotions in a reasonable manner, then maybe you shouldn’t be dating yet…
Jesus. It’s just a funny message because she sounds exactly like the HR lady.
Ok, but look at all the other comments besides mine. They’re getting all antsy about it.
Hey, it’s polite and a response. Pretty good in my book
I got a message soon after I started talking to someone where they said they wanted to see where their current thing went with somebody they’d met a few times, and like, yeah, thanks and I respect that. it seemed genuine. I was happy to get that message instead of chats just disappearing when it seemed like it was going well.
because chats disappearing is the easy way out. it takes a mature person to not ghost.
yeah it only made me more disappointed that they were unavailable lol, they were the best match I’ve had and it was over in like two messages, and their last message was just more evidence how decent they were
still, happy for them
Rejection is the antecedent for many behaviors, which are often dangerous. So we try a lot of ways to make it impersonal, kind, soften the blow…etc.
So, ghosting is bad and evil. At least tell the man you aren’t interested! Men are suffering due to ghosting! But also, don’t put him down when rejecting him. Men have to suffer so much rejection, so their ego is easily hurt. Let him down gently!!
Oh, you did? Well let me mock you for being TOO nice and diplomatic about it 😂.
Damn I’m so happy I’m not dating anymore. Feels like no way to do it right.
Fair enough statement about some of the comments here, but at least the original poster in the screenshot is taking it in good stride like you’re supposed to with a polite rejection.
There isn’t a way to do it right. Dating doesn’t work. People are too garbage for it.
I’d pick this any day instead of the one where both sides verbally abusing one another leaving lifelong emotional traumas.
Y’know, I’m fine with it because it is at least professional. Better than getting ghosted or them being rude about it.
The last thing I’m looking for in a relationship is professionalism.
Well this person is no longer in that relationship so that works out.
You’re not looking for someone who has good communication skills?
If good communication skills means corpo speak then no.
In an odd twist, my work has started announcing updates using messages full of Zoomer slang.
The first message at least included a more straight-forward explanation below the original message, but the one we got this week had no such translation. I remember as a kid being weirded out when adults tried to talk “hip.” Now I’m older than their targeted demographic, so I not only get second-hand embarrassment at their attempt to talk “cool,” but I also have no clue what half the words mean. It’s the cringiest thing I’ve seen from them since the “AI Prompt-a-Thon” contest they threw earlier in the year.
Whoever dated you in the past dodged a bullet.
At least you got that. Some people just ghost you.
What is better:
- Get ghosted
- get AI generated text back
Definitely 2.
Not even close
Is it really all that surprising that when
- Dating, especially with apps, has become for so many such a soul-crushing impersonal numbers game
- Enough people (but mostly fragile men) become menacing upon being rejected
- Enough people keep complaining about how bad it feels to get ghosted
someone would end up sending this?
Jesus Christ, try and get into other people’s shoes from time to time.
Honestly yeah, this is better than ghosting so good on her
I’d love to.
But I’m EU39/UK6 so chances are I’ll trip and fall when I’m in other people’s shoes.
Sounds like adulting to me.
but, as we all know, adulting
iscan be hard… even as an adult
at least they sent a message, good on her.
Trying to prevent you from getting threatening and nasty due to the threat to your “masculinity”.
It’s hurtful that they think I’d even be threatening and nasty. That they just immediately assume I’m some kind of monster. It makes me feel like I have no value.
I understand stand how you feel, and it’s important to realize both that this behavior isn’t a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of society, and that they don’t think of you as a momster, they just feel they have to be cautious. People love to be dismissive of these feelings, but it’s important to share and talk about them and not give you ahit about them.
You don’t know that anyone who responds this way actually thinks this. There are a limited amount of ways to communicate that they’re not interested and over-explaining and hedging their niceness would also just backfire. They gave exactly as much explanation as needed. It may come off a bit stiff because the tone is neutral (and they only use “I” sentences - speaking only what they know to be true instead of projecting with “you” sentences).
You may want more validation and that’s fine. But nobody owes it to you. You say “they just immediately assume I’m some kind of monster” - but you could be doing the same thing in assuming their motivations when they only speak neutrally.
You may want more validation and that’s fine. But nobody owes it to you.
To repeat the exact point of your comment, you don’t know that the person you’re responding to actually thinks this or deserves this characterization. It is extremely uncharitable.
To make my own uncharitable characterization, It sounds a lot like bullying someone with therapy speak for stepping out of line.
assuming their motivations when they only speak neutrally.
And yet not a single response can be seen in this vein on comment after comment from the clear majority repeating over and over that the woman is protecting herself from bodily harm by speaking this way. Nobody seems to be telling them that they’re making assumptions. Only this guy gets this response.
In conclusion, as naive and simple as it sounds, let’s just be fucking nice to each other. Even to those you imagine deserve no respect or ‘special treatment’ (which is usually code for respect).
Internalizing that last bit is something I really wish more worked very hard to do. And it is very hard. I’m probably screwing it up here. But I’m trying. For what that’s worth.
To repeat the exact point of your comment, you don’t know that the person you’re responding to actually thinks this or deserves this characterization.
Which is why I said “you may”. I didn’t claim that he does. But if he does, it’s okay to do so. However, most people appreciate some kind of validation. You seem to think that entertaining this characterization is “uncharitable”. This wasn’t my intention, quite the opposite.
And yet not a single response can be seen in this vein on comment after comment from the clear majority repeating over and over that the woman is protecting herself from bodily harm by speaking this way. Nobody seems to be telling them that they’re making assumptions. Only this guy gets this response.
Why didn’t you either?
In conclusion, as naive and simple as it sounds, let’s just be fucking nice to each other. Even to those you imagine deserve no respect or ‘special treatment’ (which is usually code for respect).
Internalizing that last bit is something I really wish more worked very hard to do. And it is very hard. I’m probably screwing it up here. But I’m trying. For what that’s worth.
Thank you, I can tell you’re trying.
#notallmen. spare us the crocodile tears
Stop being an ass.
Oops, your prejudice is showing.
Nobody deserves to be judged for the circumstances of their birth. If you make any exceptions, you’re breaking the social contract and nobody is obliged to tolerate you.
nobody said anything about circumstances. this is about men not doing shit about the patriarchy while at the same time painting themselves as the victims of it
nobody said anything about circumstances
Being born a man is a circumstance, and if you judge someone for it it’s prejudice.
this is about men not doing shit about the patriarchy while at the same time painting themselves as the victims of it
This right here, also Goomba Fallacy.
Being born a man is a circumstance, and if you judge someone for it it’s prejudice.
Being born a mansplainer who’s never read a feminist book is also a circumstance, one that you forced yourself into.
if y’all hate being men so much, that’s also not a circumstance. your sex is mutable, and I’m telling you this as a trans woman
That’s a wild ass take sis
You’re projecting hon
