The hospital wouldn’t admit my grandmother who was in labour without her husband there to sign the papers
I was born in 1996 in Texas. There were complications. My mom and I both nearly died. I’m not sure of all the details, since I was a baby. It was medically necessary that my mom have a hysterectomy afterwards. Even so, she needed both my father and her father to sign off on it before they’d go through with the procedure. So, two male relatives had to give consent before she could take care of her own health.
If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.
I don’t understand your comment
It is sarcasm.
Women were treated as children and men had all the power in a relationship. So yeah, divorce rates were lower because lots of women were trapped.
It’s sarcasm
You’re saying my grandfather didn’t love my grandmother?
Under the laws of the state of Texas, yes.
For decades they would show that the divorce rates in cultures with arranged marriages was much lower. I recall this from some anthropology classes in college.
Not sure if that’s better though. There was probably enormous family pressure not to divorce (or other consequences) so people would live in abusive or otherwise unhealthy relationships. That’s just my guess though.
We really don’t have to go that far back in time for divorce to have been a nearly impossible prospect for women on this side of the world. Prior to the 70s women could not access credit without a male co-signer so there was essentially no concept of a woman owning a car or home independently. In the decades preceding that, women were put in asylums and medicated for disobeying their husbands with a diagnosis of hysteria. This is all within our parents or grandparents lifetimes.
My parents are from China, arranged marriage, there was like a time where they used to argue a lot about stuff… financially related stuff… I overheard my mom threatening divorce, I mean, she was the aggressor to be clear, my mom made the most money in the household and she was just mad at my dad for, and I quote, “such a useless man”, I mean this is mom that called me and my brother useless kids too…
I remember feeling so scared about the threat of divorce, like I’d probably have to follow my mom purely for the better financial stability, but then I feel like my mom would’ve gotten even more abusive since without the stable household, and I felt an overwhelming sense of dread… I was a teen during that time…
But luckily the divorce never happened… I’m assuming they stayed together for us, their kids.
Honestly if me and my brother died, I bet their marriage is like instantly over.
Children are like the main purpose of marriages in conservative households.
I think most marriages in China falls apart because of alcoholism or gambling or cheating.
Yeah, I can tell from experience. In India, the older folks almost have a taboo against divorce. It was getting better, but with the re-emergence of religious extremism, it’s probably gonna get worse.
It’s always interesting to see the people who advocate against divorce too. Divorce should be banned? What’s your ex-wife’s story? Oh you regularly screamed at her and abused her and treat her like a live in slave so she left? Sounds like you just didn’t want her to be able to get away from your useless ass.
The old college course I mentioned specifically cited India and compared divorce rates with that of the US.
I don’t know about all cultures that practice arranged marriages, but I know that in Pakistan marriages are often arranged between cousins (of various degrees, including first cousins.)
If that’s not “family pressure not to divorce,” I don’t know what is. You’d be pretty much stuck with your ex in your life forever anyway.
Sometimes husbands expired under mysterious circumstances.
The murder clearance rate in the US is around 55%. Almost half of all murders go unsolved.
It obviously varies by jurisdiction, with some being much better and some much worse. In Flint, Michigan, less than 18% of murders are solved.
I bet many more didn’t even get reported as murders in the first place. There are probably a shit load of cases from back in the day with 1950s wives poisoning their husbands or some shit that just got chalked up to heart attacks.
My wife’s grandmother casually makes jokes about the types of ways she would poison somebody and how she would get away with it.
It’s uncomfortable but she’s old and dgaf.
There’s a shit ton of knowledge about what plants are good to eat and what aren’t that the older generations are hoarding from us
I once saw a presentation where someone correlated the opening of banking and credit services to women and their steep rise in the 70s with the corresponding drop in deaths by poisoning.
I’ve half-heartedly tried to find these numbers, but failure hasn’t stopped me from propagating this story
Stabbed in the heart.
“Let’s call that heart attack.”
That actually sounds pretty good already. I would have thought it would be lower.
It was the go-to gag of any sitcom for about 40 years that the husband and wife hated each others guts but stuck it out for “reasons”
And the guy always says something in the line of “one of these days I’m going to snap and murder you” cue laughtrack.
“One of these day’s Alice, one of these days. Pow, zoom, to the moon”
- The Honeymooners
Haha that metaphor for abuse and space travel really makes you think doesn’t it
"For the children ’
No joke, this is the reason my parents stuck together, I’m pretty sure.
Ah yes, all the while setting up their future expectations for what a relationship should be. So good, so healthy.
This is my mom.
“I’d divorce, but that’s against the god.”So switch gods, divorce, and switch back?
We got plenty of god flavors for picking.
King Henry VIII approves
Relevant
Yep. And even if both the man and woman mutually agreed their relationship wasn’t working out, they would stay married on paper to avoid shame.
[off topic?]
Really funny book about an aging serial killer who just wants to be left alone…
Too Old For This, by Samantha Downing
https://bookshop.org/p/books/too-old-for-this-samantha-downing/af6672f630997480
No, they lasted. I hate this mentality that these women were chained to their man. There was bad ones but so many were great marriages and you saw it in their old age. They all weathered a lot of history together and grew from it
Some did—my paternal grandparents were a love-at-first-sight case. After my grandfather passed away, my grandmother was so heartbroken she basically stopped living.
Some didn’t—it wasn’t after my maternal grandfather held grandma’s hand to the hot stove, or beat her black and blue, that she finally got up the nerve to throw him out and file for divorce; it was when he started to go after their kids. Even so, as a single mother she faced all kinds of difficulties and discrimination socially and in the workforce.
But I can’t even imagine what things would have been like if she had been forced to stick with him.
And regardless of how much my paternal grandparents loved each other, they were still chained together, both by society’s expectations and by laws that, for example, wouldn’t let my grandmother have her own bank account until the mid-70s.
I’m just thinking about Grammy and Grumpa. After they divorced, Grammy married this abusive piece of shit to help her pay the bills. If divorce were illegal, we could have avoided that. Also Grumpa is gay as buttered biscuits and so were his husbands, so like he wouldn’t have had any husbands if he couldn’t get divorced and that would have been miserable. I will not have that reality for my five favorite grandfathers. Yay divorce!
Nobody gets married anymore in some societies, they don’t even care for monogamy nowadays… so I guess divorce numbers will go down? 😅🤷
That would be pretty cool. Burn down the patriarchy and the institutions which support it.
Boomer energy
But this is what lemmings tell me every day!
This Lemmy guy really needs to get his story straight.
