I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc

I’ve been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.

Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just “get over it”. I’ve lost almost everyone I’m close to because of this and I’m starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it’s unfortunately real.

Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.

  • triptrapper@lemmy.world
    133·
    5 days ago

    I’d like to strongly challenge your third point. As others have said, there are many reasons people don’t provide emotional support besides “they’re not your friends.” They might not know how to be supportive, they might be afraid of saying the wrong things and causing more hurt, they might have an avoidant attachment style with a deep fear of having others depend on them. We all have moments when we fail to show up for people we care about, and if we respond by ending those relationships, we’ll be left without any at all.

    I’m not saying it’s wrong for OP to end those friendships, and I think making new friends is usually a good move. I am saying that - when both parties are willing - being able to name and repair those hurts is part of having healthy relationships.

    • futatorius@lemm.ee
      4·
      5 days ago

      As others have said, there are many reasons people don’t provide emotional support besides “they’re not your friends.”

      Some were not really my friends, some had problems of their own, some were just weak (or avoidant). The only ones I still blame are the hypocrites in the first category.

      I am saying that - when both parties are willing - being able to name and repair those hurts is part of having healthy relationships.

      I think 12-step programs are a cultish load of bullshit, but one part that I did apply in my life is making amends. I’ve reconnected with a number of people I’ve wronged and acknowledged that they didn’t deserve it, and I’ve had some deep conversations with people whom I felt wronged by. But there are also people I’ve frozen out with no way back, and others who, if our paths crossed, would be met with conflict. Those who didn’t help me when I was down, that’s one thing. Forgiveness is possible. But the ones who went out of their way to put the boot in during that time, that’s something else entirely. I don’t dwell on those occasions, I don’t seek those people out, but I wouldn’t let it pass, either.