He’s 48, the girl is 17. Yes, their relationship is legal here; legality is not the point, but morality and ethics - I don’t think it’s okay. They’ve been dating for a few months now. I only found out about it recently when he started bringing her home to spend the night (I’m 19 and live with him). Dad’s been widowed since 2023. Her parents know and support this relationship - heard it straight from their mouth when they came to visit. My family believes the girl is a gold digger so she’s the one in the wrong. My dad and I are very close, he’s always been an amazing dad, supports me in every way a person can be supported… I’m queer and being queer in Romania isn’t well received to say the least, but he’s always had my back and I feel safe because of him. Now for him to go and do something like this… I talked to both him and the girl, he says it’s just something that happened (he didn’t go looking for it); she says she loves being spoilt and how “chill” my dad is (she characterized the relationship as a cold day in bed under the warm covers). I don’t really know what I’m looking to hear honestly, but I want to talk about it.
I hate this take. That’s her DAD. It’s not about “altering behaviors to suit my moral code” it’s about her fucking dad is grooming a child and she should say something. I don’t give a flying FUCK what any law says, a 17 yr old girl is a child compared to a 48 year old man. This is gross, and she should definitely say something. Again, not about asserting one’s moral code onto others, it’s about showing up for your family and helping them through bullshit.
I appreciate your response and I don’t think you should be downvoted for it.
I agree that it is gross. As a 48 year-old myself, there is no way that I would date a 17 year-old and I would voice my objection if it were one of my friends or family…
The legality matters because the laws are usually aligned with the moral and ethical standards set by the society to which they apply. The moral and ethical standards in OP’s country are not the same as in mine and I cannot apply my moral standards to their situation.
But that is not the question. The question asked is “what should I do?” not “how do you feel about it?” They stated that they value the relationship with their father, therefore interfering or objecting are not possible without risk to that relationship. That leaves living with it peacefully or living somewhere else as the only two viable options.
As for grooming… Grooming (in this context) is the act of preparing for, not already engaged in, a sexual relationship. This relationship is beyond grooming and, like you said, gross (as seen through my moral lens).