Both or one of them. And presuming they’re still alive, of course.
I cut off my father after him defending the murder of George Floyd by reciting TimPool/Peterson talking points. And then he died last year. So, I guess he’d have to fix that first.
For me, it would be for her to actually respect my boundaries, and to show an active interest in who I actually am instead of what role I can fulfill for her.
Absolutely nothing for both parents. No contact has turned into safety for not just me, but others in my life. if I introduced contact with my parents, it would turn into contact with even more evil people.
I think mine is mentally unwell. If she wasn’t, we might be able to build a positive relationship eventually, but I don’t think that’s possible for her.
She would need to make a genuine apology to my brother and his wife. I gave her the easy apology with myself six years ago under the assumption that she would make an actual effort with everyone else involved. She did not, and instead chose the route of the coward pretending to be victimized and wronged. Until she chooses the path of accountability, I don’t have any intention of speaking with her.
So my father is the one who stopped speaking to me, but he’d have to reach out and gender me correctly. From there I’d maintain my distance, I’ve realized that he really fucked me up before disowning me as well, and my therapist said it’s fair for me to call him a narcissist. But that’s kinda why I’d take him reaching out first. It’s hard and it would show a growth that I don’t ever expect to happen. The rest of the family says he pretends I don’t exist and gets mad when I come up.
I told him he could either have his racist and hateful views of people, people that include my friends and mentors, or he could have a relationship with his son.
So it’s been 9 years now, I’ll let you know when I hear back on his answer.
For my mom, it’d take a necromancer, and a massive change in her personality. Probably to stop doing drugs. Not against drug use, but they made her… Not great to be around. For my dad fairly similar, sans necromancy. I’d need to know that he’s worked out his anger issues, probably via a lack of alcohol in his life. Still shocked his ex wife took him back.
It took 10 years then finally meeting again at my Grandparents’ home, and realizing my mother was scared shitless of me. That took the power back, like I wasn’t a defenseless, dependant 16 year old anymore. It’s like she knew better than to ever bring up right-wing political cult stuff after that ever again. She died in 2020, so ig I’m glad she never lived to see the current state of affairs
Admittion of wrong-doing and change of behaviour.
It’s alot more complicated than that but that’s pretty high level view.
An apology, acknowledgement of wrongdoings and the $400k dad cost me by ignoring my grandfathers wishes for the inheritance. Writing that out, I’ll likely never talk to him again.
On the flip side, I have cut all contact with the youngest of my four children (he is turning 24 in a month) due to bigotry, fascistic tendencies, rampant narcissism and believing in and supporting things that make me absolutely nauseous. My other three kids don’t talk to him either. We all call him the white sheep in a black sheep family, as he’s very normative, straight white supremacist, etc. I’m rather surprised he doesn’t go to church despite being atheist his whole life.
Nothing. She is utterly unrepentant and claims no idea what she did. One sibling is also no contact. The other is involved, therefore I decline to communicate because they cannot be trusted to not pass on information.
nothing. my father is a fascist and refuses to acknowledge how homophobic and violent about it he was towards me as a teenager. he can apologize for the way he treated me but supporting Trump twice is unforgivable.
Definitely three times.
Nothing, absolutely never going to happen. It has been many, many years and they moved on more easily than me…almost like my going NC did them a favor. My dad passed before Covid, and he was the only one I had a relationship with in adulthood, and I miss him. I have no idea what has become of the rest of my family over the years. I am mostly fine. There’s no use mourning awful people for decades. I do it once or twice a year and that’s more of the mourning an idea of what having a family would be.
mourning an idea of what having a family would be
I sometimes fanticized about an alternate timeline where my parents were much more lovely.
I mean I do keep trying to remember the moments where I really love spending time with my mom… but unfortunately those memories are far and between… so much of the emotional abuse in between it… so much times where I cried…
I’m just desparately hanging on to those good memories…
I refuse to believe my mom is evil… its as if an alien shapeshifter took her place… the mother I should’ve had…
I sometimes just wish I was born to a Norweigian family… imagine the happiness…
unfortunately… their population is so low… odds of being born there is so miniscule… reincarnation could be a thing, and you can die 100 times and still never make it there. most likely be born in some developing country…
universe so cruel…
welp, its either that or eternal nothingness… which is just also fucking sad… nothing will ever happen again…
I think the best thing you can do is really become independent of your family, from reading other posts. And put some distance between yourself and them. I’m sure if you became successful, they would attempt to financially abuse you if they could. For similar reasons that is why my response to this question is a hard no, never going back.
Good news is you can choose who to surround yourself with in life. It does take a lot of the sting out.
If infinity exists, you’ll eventually experience every life you’ve ever imagined and many more you can’t.
There will be lives where I never read The Egg by Andy Weir
We are all murderers… and their victims
I use to feel the same way. The older I get the more convinced I am that the only thing worse than having no family is having a family.
There are times it would be convenient. Certainly less lonely. I think it would be worth it for the right people. But not everyone wins that lottery.
An older friend of mine had early onset Alzheimer’s. Her sister repeatedly asked her for loans knowing full well my friend couldn’t remember giving her that money after a few days. The sister drained my friend’s retirement account of $110k before we got involved and put a stop to it, and she left my friend with a huge IRS tax bill.
Other friends quickly learned that involving their families in their lives was a very bad idea because there was no situation they couldn’t make worse. They grew up without any family support at all despite having living parents and siblings. Figuring everything out by themselves definitely made their lives much harder.
By contrast some of my neighbors and other friends have wonderful families. They see their family members constantly and really enjoy the time they spend together. Best of all they do everything they can to support each other and it makes all of their lives better.
You’re right, it’s like winning the lottery.
Towards the end my dad had a chosen family. I met a lot of them ant his funeral, and they were all better than the biological family. He was never alone even when I was thousands of miles away, and that comforts me. The real family? Couldn’t be bothered to leave work at a retail shop while he was dying. The friends? Gave him a home, cared for him, carried him in their arms to the truck/hospital. I think…what it comes down to in general is finding good souls we can surround ourselves with and not letting those other people ruin us. If possible.
