I (23M) started therapy today, hooray!
Only problem is, my family is too goddamn spicy. Once I got into my brother’s (25M) increasingly homicidal fantasies and animal killings, she stopped me before I mentioned the threats he made to kill people and told me that she is a mandated reporter and has an obligation to report certain situations to the authorities.
I think adding police to the equation will make everything worse and immediately paint a target on my back because I am the only one who would ever disclose the violence that happens under this roof. It might result in me being homeless if I have to flee for my life. I live in Ohio and it’s the middle of winter, so not a great start.
I wanted to work with a therapist because I grew up in this place and it traumatized me so badly that I’m scared of leaving this dump (not to mention, I have disabilities now that make that difficult). How much will I have to tiptoe around here? Is merely being afraid that someone will use violence against me reportable? What about if they fantasize about murder and domestic terrorism? What about violent crimes that they committed in the past? Or specific threats in the present?
Is therapy just not the right fit for this kind of thing? Did I end up with a heavy duty “fuck you” problem and therapy is just for “I feel sad sometimes” problems? It feels like bullshit to have to self-censor so much just because things were harder for me. How is throwing cops at the problem supposed to help when there is no universal basic sustenance or housing for the victims to escape to?
What are your experiences with mandated reporting, and how do you avoid triggering it?
Holy shit brother. You’re going to get knifed.
To directly answer your core question, you definitely should be in therapy to help you process this. Your anger at the people trying to help you SAVE YOUR DAMN LIFE FROM A MURDERER in this thread is a pretty clear loud fucking red alert klaxon that you need some help processing this.
However, the more pressing issue is that YOUR BROTHER IS GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DON’T GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE and I do think you should consider prioritizing that in the short-to-medium term.
I’m not angry at anyone except myself. I know that everyone in this thread is smarter than me because I was raised to be stupid and easy to control. The fact that I still live here 23 when I knew I was being abused since age 13 is proof of my incomprehensible levels of idiocy. My every instinct is telling me that leaving is more dangerous than staying. I’m going to therapy because I know those instincts are wrong and I don’t know how to change them. I’m taking actions that are helping me gain a greater sense of agency and independence, but that process is frustratingly incremental. I’m stupid today, but I was even more stupid 2 weeks ago, and I will be less stupid 2 weeks from now. I hate that I’m like this. I hate that I can’t just download the brains of anyone else in this thread so I don’t have to wait for my brain cells to hurry the fuck up and rewire themselves into a usable configuration. But that’s what I have to do. I have to push myself more and more to learn that I’m not as powerless as my abusers make it seem. I know this, but I need to feel it.
These people can’t do shit to me. They had to lobotomize me to have any power over me because they don’t have time to watch me 24/7. If I knew what I was doing, I could be gone without a trace in less than 24 hours. I just won’t do it because I’m scared that my conditions make me unhireable and I won’t be able to convince anyone to let me live with them. Both of these are untrue and I’m too dumb to see why. THAT’S why I’m going to therapy – because once I realize I have that power, that’s it.
Once I have a clearer mind, I’ll be using the resources that everyone linked and look up more of them on my own. I’m going to find a way through this. I’ll have to step outside of my comfort zone a lot, but it can be done. I’m going to stop asking strangers on the Internet to do all of the work for me and do it my damn self.
I’ve embarrassed myself a lot in this thread, but I can always improve, become less embarrassing, and slowly take off the clown makeup piece by piece. The people here are trying to tell me that I can do more than I’m doing now, and they’re right. It just needs to get through to me. Maybe it takes more than just Lemmy threads. Maybe it takes a therapist, experiences of doing things on my own, and maybe a few friends. But it will happen.
I want to thank everyone for trying to help snap me out of it. It’s going to take some work, but I know there’s hope.