I don’t mean like how happy you are today. I mean overall, are you satisfied with everything you are up until this point? For me, for an example, I have a decent job that keeps my head just above water. I have a loving family that I see every couple months or weeks. I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want. But, overall, I’m sort of lonely and exhausted from constantly working. So, on a scale of 1 to 10, I’m about a 6.
Well, I have a job, a roof over my head, food in my fridge, and for the first time in my entire life I’ve the ability to actually start doing hobbies and figure out what I actually like and who I am and I’m not being entirely held back by finances or people, although I’m still in a very financially tight spot. So I’m blessed for that.
On the other hand, my first waking thought every day is how lonely I am, it’s always the thing that keeps me awake, and I can’t sleep more than an hour or so at a time without waking up having panic attacks because I’m so miserable and alone. It’s not even about being in a relationship, I don’t even have a single friend anymore that I can just send a text to or talk to about something funny that happened in my day or anything. I’m so fucking lonely. I just want someone who will tell me about their day and share memes with me or something and make me feel like I’m not alone on this damned earth.