If a colleague asks me “Hi, how’re you doing?” it’s small talk and I’ll respond something like “Oh you know, the usual.” If my partner asks me “Hi, how was your day?” it’s a genuine question and I will respond “That fucking dickhead at work that always plays nice and personable came around with another set of “urgent” requests and no fucking clue what he’s actually asking for, whether it’s possible or why I told him last week it isn’t.”
The difference is in how serious I take the question.
I think that’s still small talk either way tho? The fact that you launch into some part of your day doesn’t change that it’s gauging your mood on her end. You could just as easily answered: “Snoozefest, how about your day?” or “Nightmarish headache from start to end, hold me”. See how these are all logical answers that would (I hope) evoke a different response from your partner?
The fact that you launch into some part of your day doesn’t change that it’s gauging your mood on her end.
Maybe not, but the fact that me launching into that is an accepted and expected part of the response does.
If a manager calls me about a project and asks how I am, they don’t want me recounting an earlier frustrating interaction. As you say, they’re trying to gauge my mood, but ultimately my mood or how it came to be are irrelevant because we’re here to talk business. If I omit my headache, they don’t care.
If my GF asks me, she actually wants a response. If I omit my headache and she finds out later, she’ll be upset: “Why didn’t you say so earlier?”
If a colleague asks me “Hi, how’re you doing?” it’s small talk and I’ll respond something like “Oh you know, the usual.” If my partner asks me “Hi, how was your day?” it’s a genuine question and I will respond “That fucking dickhead at work that always plays nice and personable came around with another set of “urgent” requests and no fucking clue what he’s actually asking for, whether it’s possible or why I told him last week it isn’t.”
The difference is in how serious I take the question.
I think that’s still small talk either way tho? The fact that you launch into some part of your day doesn’t change that it’s gauging your mood on her end. You could just as easily answered: “Snoozefest, how about your day?” or “Nightmarish headache from start to end, hold me”. See how these are all logical answers that would (I hope) evoke a different response from your partner?
Maybe not, but the fact that me launching into that is an accepted and expected part of the response does.
If a manager calls me about a project and asks how I am, they don’t want me recounting an earlier frustrating interaction. As you say, they’re trying to gauge my mood, but ultimately my mood or how it came to be are irrelevant because we’re here to talk business. If I omit my headache, they don’t care.
If my GF asks me, she actually wants a response. If I omit my headache and she finds out later, she’ll be upset: “Why didn’t you say so earlier?”
That expectation is the difference.