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The original tweet with context:
I’m pretty open about the fact that I have autism, and there have been a few times when I have used the strategy in these tweets, but adding the invocation of my autism.
When I ask them to explain why it’s funny, they will often try to deflect the conversation at first, because they’re uncomfortable at being challenged. I can then double down on asking them to explain the joke, being all apologetic and saying that jokes often go over my head because I’m autistic. That makes it much harder to deflect, especially because I’m super good at appearing earnest when I’m asking this, so it manoeuvres the joke-teller into a no-win situation, where they either explain the joke, and look like an asshole, or they don’t explain it, and they still look like an asshole.
Then when they do eventually explain it, I am good at making my face fall in disappointment, before saying “oh, that’s not a very funny joke”. It gives me a great deal of satisfaction because there are many people who believe that autistic people are incapable of lying or acting, when in fact, being autistic means I’ve spent my entire life learning how to put on a performance for the outer world.
Important context. Thanks
So did she learn it herself, as per her first comment.
Or did her dad teach her this, as per her second comment?
Make up your mind!
Good advice, but obviously sprinkled with bs.
Also, posting the first comment would have avoided ALL of the confusion people are having about “not laughing at jokes”.
It sounds like her dad taught her the general advice, but she learned (herself) through using the advice that specifically sexual harassers stop laughing when you ask why their “jokes” are funny.
So both can be true as I’m understanding/reading it.
I can tell my kids whatever I want. They generally trust me, but will retain some level of skepticism until they discover that my advice is valid. In this case her Dad may have suggested, “try x” but she didn’t realize how effective the approach would be until she used it once.
This is me:
The other person: I don’t get it.
Me: lol then you will not.
The other person: Explain me, I wanna laugh.
Me: no, your get it or not. Explaining a joke ruins the joke. Sorry for you.
It happened to me before with people that wants to ruin the mood. Just do not explain a shit, because a joke must not be explained never, it’s a joke, no a scientific paper. There is people that don’t get sarcasm, that a special trait, because sarcasm aren’t jokes.
The number of people not understanding this is wild to me
It took me a couple readings to catch the nervous laughter part since it isn’t something I do myself.
“Sorry, I made a joke. I see you’re having a problem figuring it out. Guess I overestimated how smart you are. Let’s move on.”
“Then help me please, I want to participate, too!”
“I have the feeling you’ve been asking people to speak slowly and explain things for a very long time. I guess I overestimated you.”
I’m very good at being condescending. That means acting like I’m better than other people.
[jk]
Tbf, I’d rather appear dumb than a condescending asshole. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely times when condescension is an effective approach to challenging assholes in conversation, but if the person using condescension was the same person who made an offensive joke, then I feel like that would just be digging themselves deeper.
Like, if someone is open about being slow to understanding stuff, and says something like “yes, I often do ask people to explain things when I don’t understand them. It usually doesn’t pose a problem”, then that negates a bunch of the power of the condescension
Here’s the way I see it; you’ve got two kinds of assholes. Amateurs and professionals. The amateur is the dumb Boomer who is still making jokes that were funny in 1987. That person might be stilled by the dumb approach.
I gave the professional’s answer; a professional has thought about what they are going to say and has a few zingers in the bag.
The way to deal with a pro is to wait until they’ve over extended themselves, and then strike hard and fast.
Here’s a true story. I was transferred to a different department and was still getting my bearings. There was one fellow who was senior to me who considered himself a great wit. I let him run his mouth for a while. He happened to like laying all the way back in his chair, setting it almost flat like he was laying on the beach. I happened by while he had some folks near him and he started in. I asked why he had his seat back like that? Was he waiting for someone to rub their b#lls in his face?
Guy never bothered me again.
The lesson is know who you’re dealing with, and use the proper approach.
This is really good job interview advice.
Without any context this just comes across as psychotic advice.
Maybe it’s advice for a comedy career. Never laugh at any jokes, just feign ignorance and get the jok teller to explain. Then you learn the art of comedy and joke design, and you will have the tools to write your own comedy set. Thanks dad!
I think I remember context for this.
Her ex-boss said to her that she should work as phone sex operator and laughed. She didn’t and kept pressing what’s funny about that.
So the context is bigotry masked as joke.
Never laugh at what?
Derogatory/sexist/racist/other shitty jokes. A lot of people nervously laugh to avoid confrontation.
What’s the context?
Sexist jokes or the likes
I don’t get it.
laughs nervously
Stop complying!
Imagine someone is trying to be friendly with you, but in a manipulative way - they make a joke about your appearance, or maybe even just an assumption they have about you simply from stereotyping. Perhaps it’s something you don’t agree with, are sensitive about, or is just downright untrue. But it’s a minor slight among a litany of other conversation, and is it really worth a confrontation?
This, then, is the question: do you laugh it off and move on? Do you directly refute or rebuke them? Or do you just act like you don’t even know what they’re talking about and force them to go down the rabbit hole of self-examination to explain why their joke was funny?
I’m not sure I follow - what’s the funny part?
Like when a bloke says the missus better have dinner on the table when i get home or else.
People laugh at the implied domestic violence.
Instead don’t
(my comment was a joke - I’m asking you to explain as suggested in the OP, I think the person above me was being sarcastic too)
Or, maybe rather than a threat or an implication, it’s a vent for what a toxic upbringing many of us had.
If someone makes a comment like that as an intentional dark joke, not actually accepting the misogyny implied, one would likely be much more willing to explain that their joke was satire and clarify that they do not subscribe to that belief, I would think. Perhaps this person just poorly chose their audience for their joke.
I think it is the misogynist who would theoretically have a hard time explaining the joke without outing themself.
That said, I don’t know how often a bigot would be necessarily off put by this strategy since they probably think that their bigotry is justified.
How has her dad “just told me” but she “used it for rest of my life ever since”?
“just” as “nothing more than […]” - it was not much. “Just” a sentence or two. But it was enought.
I assume there’s context missing since it says “replying to”
So I assume they meant something like “my dad only told me xyz” or like “wow that’s nuts, my dad just said xyz, not all that” or something roughly along those lines.
The word “just” doesn’t only refer to time.
Oh, true… Its actually a sad post about her almost mute father. /s
deleted by creator
Who is “they” and why do they want me to laugh and why would it be nervous?
Racist/sexist/ableist/etc humor.
It’s a way to make those who are trying not to say the quiet parts loud come right on out and say them. Amazing way to make a bigot squirm, though personally, I prefer alligator clips and a 1000 volt DC source.
DC is ass for electrocuting people, if you’re gonna be an edge lord do it right.
Not to mention, where the fuck are you getting a 1kv DC source? Microwave transformers are cheap and plentiful.
When demonstrating how more dangerous that AC was than DC, Edison went around shocking animals, including an elephant, to death. He had to use DC to do it properly…
DC will burn the shit out of you but not stop a heart like AC can
That’s really good advice, and I’ll take it. Thank you, unnamed Dad. I’ll honor your memory by passing it on.
People get very angry when you do that on the internet.
On the internet, you get people pretending to not understand things in every context as if walking around slackjawed and clueless talking about all the things they don’t understand with some kind of aloof and detached attitude makes them better than everyone else. I think this post is talking about sexist jokes though, not that.
Yes, I was talking about jokes too. “I don’t get it, I feel stupid, explain please?” as a reply to a bigoted joke has only ever earned me very angry and very entertaining insults. Haven’t had opportunity to do this IRL but face to face people are less prone to explode :)
I certainly wouldn’t know what this could possibly be referring to since I’m on a yacht and have just taken some very powerful amnestics. As far as I know I’ve never been on the internet.
There are a bunch of people here wearing baby masks. They all have hammers, which is odd because as I said we’re on a very large (expensive) yacht.
The tone of a lot of these replies seems to be angry and/or defensive…
I think a lot of people just didn’t understand the context. It maybe says something about the people I interact with regularly, but I haven’t heard a sexist / racist / uncomfortable joke in person for years. Once I stopped hanging out with teenagers, it pretty much took care of itself.
Understanding the context, and knowing that lots of people have to spend time with assholes, i think it’s good advice. But it isn’t that surprising that, without any context, lots of people don’t assume she’s talking about a specific type of problematic joke, sincs there’s not really anything in the text to suggest that. In which case it’s pretty sociopathic advice.
It’s the bear all over again innit
Which ones? I’m not seeing that.
Just so you know; there is a better option in between.
Kick the son of a bitch square in the nuts?
What did your grandmother ever do to deserve being called a bitch though?
I’m already born, so it’s not like he needs them to work anymore.
Her dad might have been a psycho and she probably inherited that.
Imagine sitting with a group of friends, sharing jokes. Everyone is laughing out loud and she’s sitting there all serious and constantly asking “why is this funny”?
Why do you assume the least charitable assumption? It’s good advice in appropriate contexts
They mean when someone makes a joke in poor taste. Not actual funny things
Didn’t realise you could read minds of people who post on the internet. /s
Where does it say that? You just pulled this out of your ass to make your argument sound legit.
Without additional context you are making assumptions. My argument doesn’t make assumptions, because it is purely based on the provided text.
Now which one of us is making shit up?
they will take your nervous laughter as compliance
That is referring to laughing at something when someone doesn’t find funny, but doesn’t want to stand out.
It isn’t super obvious for those of us that don’t do that, but it is a thing.
In addition to the word compliance, called out by nimble, there’s also the word nervous.
When do you laugh ‘nervously’? When the joke made was from someone with power over you; when it was racist, sexist, or otherwise crass; or maybe when you just don’t want to be near the person making it.
In those situations, the nervous laughter may be interpreted by the other person as agreement, acceptance, etc. while it is anything but.
It will take a force of will to not chuckle and just let it slide and instead push the issue, but it may result in the other person actually thinking about the issue and realizing their ‘joke’ was unacceptable.
It’s the compliance part. That’s not an issue with good natured jokes. It is an issue with jokes in bad taste like a joke about genocide, where laughter could be considered as approval for that thing.
“If it’s not explicitly written out in a way that I can understand, then you must be full of shit.”
Allow me fill in the gaps for you so you don’t hurt your thinky parts:
