Went to the pharmacy to get a box of condoms and they asked if I wanted a bag. I said “no thanks, I’ll just turn out the lights.”
Take my wife, please!
Genius
That’s crazy. I literally heard this is exact joke today on a short; I think Warzone and dude was downed and his OPP said tell me a joke and if I laugh I’m let you live.
Wild to me that’s shit like this happens. Like never heard the joke then twice in a day.
Maybe that was me.
That would be crazier. Was it you?
For here or to go?
the problem is whatever you throw in the cart with it is now evaluated in context of the condoms.
I once bought a dog collar and leash, a pack of darts, and a child’s car seat at the same time. The Target cashier looked at me hard before I put it together, then we both cracked up.
I once bought a six pack of beer, some vaseline, a cucumber and rubber gloves. On a Friday afternoon. Didn’t think about it until I got a very weird look from the cashier.
I don’t get it. A baby is going to throw darts at a tied-up dog?
Nah, leashed up baby as darts practice. The car seat is just to ensure the dartboard gets there safely.
Baby on board!
The free market wants what it wants I guess.
I can’t put it together either
I usually throw some condoms in my cart to make the ski mask, duct tape and shovel seem less embarrassing
I um, let me have one of those porno magazines, large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, couple of those panty shields, and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two.
Seriously, you should also buy lube.
I’d also be weirded if the condoms were in the eggs isle
Fun fact: in Finnish, a dick is sometimes called an egg.
Nothing weird about making sure people don’t accidentally fertilise their eggs
I think that was a potential “something else” aisle.
I used to try to make it as awkward as possible. Condoms, lube, a bottle of wine, and whatever phallic fruit I could find.
- Condoms
- Lube
- Wine
- Metal coat hangers
- Duct tape
- Bandaids
- Turkey baster
- Teen Magazine
Buying a dog collar & leash would add some awkwardness points.
You have to follow up any looks or double takes with something exra.
“Oh don’t worry. That’s for after.” wiggles eyebrows
Buy a can of Pringles and a sponge to make it less awkward. The cashier will assume that you’re going to have a nice time with someone, have a shower afterwards and then eat some chips.
I dont think Pringles can legally be called chips
Crisps.
what business does anyone have bringing a sponge into a shower?
Using it to wash yourself???
How the hell is buying condoms awkward?
“Price check on extra small condoms!”
I still don’t see it.
Cashier over the store PA system: … ummmm … price check … price check … umm… yeah … in condoms … ribbed … cherry flavor … costumer says they were on sale … price check
Cashier trying to scan box of condoms: … beep … boop … beep … boop … [over PA system again] … ummm … supervisor … can I get a supervisor
meanwhile line of people is getting longer behind you
You: … hey just forget it … I don’t need the condoms … I’ll just pay for the lube and shovel
Cashier: … it’s already scanned as cheddar cheese and I need to clear it … I need a manager to do that
Line is getting longer behind you and people are mumbling and grumbling
Cashier: … supervisor … um … yeah … supervisor … check out #4 … price correction for condoms please … supervisor
Supervisor who is younger than the cashier arrives: … what is it Richard? did you mommy bring the wrong coupons again? …
Richard the cashier: … that was just the one time and it was only for 50 cents off dog food … and besides that was two years ago before they demoted you from store manager …
Line of people shifts to new cashier that just opened next to Richard … people are grumbling and saying things …
Supervisor: … OK … What is it? …
Richard: … yeah this guy was buying this stuff and condoms and it came out as cheddar cheese for $14.99 and I need to clear it but it won’t let me
You: … hey, I’m in a hurry here and I really don’t need the condoms, just forget it OK?
Thank you for taking your time to write this, I appreciate it.
Go to a line with your preferred sex and give em a wink
I would go into the pet section and buy some collars and leashes too. Then I’d smile at the cashier and say I’m having a party. And I’d buy like…10 packs of condoms along with them, maybe some lube too
First time I bought condoms, I also bought goldfish crackers.
We gotta have a dogelore
There’s one called dogeposting, but it’s not very active.
Hot take: If you’re immature enough to be embarrassed buying condoms, you shouldn’t be having sex.
Seriously, the checkout assistant couldn’t give two shits about you, you’re just another face they’ll forget the second you walk out the door and that’s if they have their brain switched on while working what is a very repetitive and mind numbing job.
We all gotta start somewhere. No need to shame people for something many experience.
It’s not about maturity.
Society has this bad habit of conditioning people for or against certain ideologies, and sex and contraception are two hot button topics that could easily make a timid person even more intimidated. There is also the gossip factor in case the person is going to a store with people they know working or shopping there, and are concerned about “word getting around” about them being promiscuous.
Meh, that’s not even a lukewarm take. It’s a common sentiment.
BUT
It won’t make embarrassed teenagers any less horny.
