Hello, Im kind of new here and trying to get used to Lemmy and I was wondering about if this is true since I am considering donating on this site to support alternative projects but wanted to hear other users before doing so. That being said, what have been your experiences?
Well, your entire argument is based on very vague anecdotal observations and you didn’t mention any concrete examples, so arguing against your points feels kind of pointless.
What were the exact things you said on which communities, that got you “dogpiled”?
And please just be honest, you are not some kind of politian trying to win a debate by any means possible, I see this more as a conversation.
Sounds like you’re just trying to wave me off.
Don’t worry about it. Talking to you seems kind of pointless, too, seeing as you’re not even a mod or an admin.
I’m sorry, what? Aren’t we doing exactly that? How am I being a politician? I think you have the wrong idea about me and are trying to steer the conversation back on the track that it’s already on for some reason. lol
Honestly, I’d rather not deal with these annoying mischaracterizations. I’ve said my peace, I think I’m done.
I’m also interested in the answer to this question.
Oh, I can answer that. I’m not here to revive the topics, as these things usually go with people trying to nitpick, but hopefully it’ll appease someone’s curiosity.
One time, I made a comment on blahaj zone about gay guys wearing too much makeup and wearing feminine clothes that seemed to be crossing the line into cross-dressing. It had literally happened to me a week prior when I went out with my non-binary friends to the gay bar I frequent, so it was fresh in my mind. They wore skirts, lip gloss, and handbags. It’s literally nothing out of the ordinary for them, and I actually appreciate it. The comment was made in jest because, well, they are gender non-conforming and that falls under the trans umbrella after all. Well, I guess someone thought I was being a bigot who was assuming things about gender and made a fuss by misinterpreting what I said. They started demanding that I apologize for my comment as if it were a big deal, and people started replying with their version of events. I refused and tried to explain that it wasn’t the case, but they still banned me after someone reported me. I complained that they were being outrageous and had some very unkind words for the admin, who took matters too far and who I thought was being unfair.
Another time, I criticized communism on lemmy.ml. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how cozied up they were with hexbear, who crusaded out of nowhere and started dunking on me, even though I didn’t think I had said something bad. I thought it was light criticism, and I even explained that I’m not even against it, but they had no tolerance for it whatsoever. The next day, I was under 40+ comments calling me all kinds of shit. A mod (admin?) came across it and banned my account on sight. They even included some bullshit in the modlogs to hide the real motive. This happened about 2.5 years ago, so I don’t remember all the details, sorry.
And the most recent one was when I was pleading for people to avoid posting blown-up, zoomed-in pictures of common phobias like spiders without a spoiler or NSFW tag, out of consideration for people who have a lifelong struggle with these things that pop up in /all, explaining that many underestimate how much of an effect it can have. It’s hard to explain what happens in the moment, but let’s just say that the UIs become less than helpful in a panic when your entire screen is covered with your phobia. It causes more than a jump scare from prolonged exposure, and it’s followed by nervousness and agitation that lasts for a good while, which can ruin a good morning. I was called all kinds of shit, berated, blamed, and humiliated. I ended up reporting someone who was breaking the site-wide and sub rules. And who gets banned? Me, with some bullshit in the modlogs about how I’m a “known troll.” The mod did end up unbanning and apologizing for jumping the gun, but only after I called them out on it in a different thread.
All of these cases have things in common: the rules were selectively enforced, people either misattributed or overloaded what the other was saying, the comments were scrubbed, and the wrong person was targeted.
Thanks for answering.
I’m completely with you on the .ml and the phobias things, but I think your comments about what gay guys wear is an obviously crass comment, that might get a laugh in your friendship group after some specific experience, but I think you should absolutely know not to post it as a general comment out of politeness if nothing else.
The .ml mods take offence at anything even mildly critical of Russia, China or North Korea (or communism of course): You’re not the asshole, they are.
The people taking offence at you asking them to be considerate and put phobia triggers behind spoilers: You’re not the asshole, they are.
The people taking offence at you apparently “jokingly” calling a whole category of people out for their clothing choices while you apparently socially enforce gender stereotypes, in a space designed as a safe space for the frequently bullied, frequently misgendered, frequently clothing criticised trans community? I’m afraid this time, you are the asshole, and an apology and retraction would have been better than being defensive, doubling down and arguing that they ought not to have taken offence.
Who were you criticising or joking about each time?
Authoritarian regimes? Nasty. OK to criticise.
People triggering phobias? Nasty. OK to criticise.
Gay people wearing non gender conforming clothes? Not nasty, just different. Not OK to criticise. Not OK to joke about. Gay folk and trans folk have had everything about them criticised and made fun of their whole lives. It was always going to land badly.
Not that you asked for my opinion, and sorry to butt in, but that’s what I think.