Edit: ‘Chase’ in this phrase is not meant to be taken literally.
For some extra information on the quote: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassionate-feminism/202504/the-psychology-of-dont-chase-attract
Edit: ‘Chase’ in this phrase is not meant to be taken literally.
For some extra information on the quote: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassionate-feminism/202504/the-psychology-of-dont-chase-attract
I can only speak from my experience as a man but that sounds like a good way to stay single forever. Never met a man in a relationship to a woman who approached him. My cousin proposed to her (male) fiance but he still was the one to approach her at the start.
Now you have. Granted it was online, but being the more introverted of the two, it was the only way it was going to happen.
To be fair, had I not responded back and opened communication, it wouldn’t have happened either. A relationship has to be both ways. But someone has to start, and it doesn’t have to be the guy. Look at the repeated stories about the guys who realized long after the fact that the girl was flirting with them and they totally missed the cues.
It happens but it’s rare. My wife initially asked me out. It wasn’t that I was afraid to ask her out. My first marriage was really bad. I was still working through that and didn’t feel like I was ready for a relationship.
For the sake of honesty, I told her pretty much exactly that. She almost changed her mind. Too many previous dates that were either “divorced” or “getting divorced” only to eventually discover that their wives were not at all aware of this sudden change in their relationship status.
Instead, for whatever reason she said, “That’s ok. We can just go have some fun. No pressure at all.” That was 8 years ago.
Sounds similar to my experience. I just had a different ending. My 2nd marriage lasted about 10 months. Never again.
I think the issue there is that male friendships in general and especially with females are culturally discouraged.
My personal experience might be taken with a grain of salt because I’m a trans female (and my wife clocked that before she started dating me, even though I didn’t realize it myself until later), but from my personal experience being raised as a male I had very few friendships with girls and women and I never dated until I developed a close friendship with the woman who is now my wife. She expressed interest in dating me, and eventually we committed to it.
So, I think that breaking that cultural norm and encouraging men to have more friendships would help a lot.
I have as many female friends as male friends, I’ve never found it to be culturally discouraged but im autistic so peer pressure doesn’t really work on me so maybe I just didn’t notice.
It maybe depends on the particular culture/context around you. When I was growing up I was usually in explicitly Christian contexts, so it was probably more repressive than what some people experience. I think that toxic masculinity is pretty widespread, though.