I stopped considering it legitimate when they claimed that I was person of the year in 2006. I didn’t even do anything besides post on myspace, leave youtube comments, drank vodka, and slept around.

What? It was my early 20s…if you don’t wake up five different times, in five different womens beds, where you have no clue who they are, where you are, or where your kidneys are…then you’re not doing your early 20s right!

Now…early 40s? I drink a lot of water. Did you know you should be drinking more water? Because you should be drinking more water.