i have birthdays on my calendar with reminders and i make myself send a card, text or email. Usually text, because easy.

I’ve recently been trying this app called Nametag that helps manage relationships. It has optional reminders if you haven’t interacted with someone in a while. I’m mainly using it for remembering details about people and to remind myself how many people do care about me. It’s open source and took me maybe 5 mins to set up (but I do have experience self-hosting). There’s also a flagship hosted version that’s free for up to 50 people on your network before being $1/month https://nametag.one/

Yeah the only friend I do things semi regularly with is the one I work with. Other friends it will be far less often, I just end up busy and it doesnt even cross my mind. I dont feel guilty about it - im not the only one not staying in touch, and I dont expect my friends to feel guilty for not messaging me either.

When I have that moment of realizing how long it’s been and the guilt rushes in, I try to take a step back from the feeling and ask myself: how important is this relationship to me? Is it worth being uncomfortable for a little bit? And if the answer is yes, I text them immediately before I forget again. Because it’s always better to reach out late than never. And most of my friends understand by now anyways, because I have talked about my difficulties regarding this with them before.

But for trying to stay on top of it I’m not really sure myself. I thought about maybe incorporating some reach-out-to-friends time into my routine, like an hour every other monday where I spend some time calling/texting a friend, but I can decide who to reach out to and what method of communication to use in the moment, so I feel less pressured. Haven’t tried it yet, though. Sometimes I like to write a letter or postcard to someone I haven’t seen in a while. It might be a little weird and oldschool, but it’s easier for me to take my time and have some room to talk about what happened during the last few months. Also it is a nice surprise for your friend to find in theur mailbox!

Ive had 4 core friends for 10-20 years now. I’m not the center of their life and they’re not the center of mine. We often go months without talking but when that phone rings, text, whatever… you pick up and it’s like no time is lost. Whether they want to catch up or genuinely need help, we all just answer with no guilt. It also helps knowing that each of us are some kind of social awkward enough to understand that I don’t want to be on the phone once or twice a week with you 😅

Just be open about how much you care and never guilt back. Good luck. You cared enough to reach out for advice, you’re worth it.

I just tell people not to read into it. I don’t even claim to forget - because I don’t. I simply don’t casually check in when I have nothing important to say.

You might not hear from me for six months, but when you finally do, I act like we just talked yesterday.

I sent a picture of my dog to a friend yesterday, he texted me today apologizing for not texting back sooner. I told him it was okay, and reminded him of the time I didn’t text for 8 months because I forgot to install the app on my new phone.

We both just know if the other one doesn’t say anything, it’s not because we don’t care. We’ve gone months before saying nothing, then when we do reconnect, it’s like no time passed at all.

Granted, not everyone is like that. But making friends with the people who are helps me out a lot. And my family understands, they know I don’t always text back quickly.

I don’t know if this helps you? But I hope you’re able to find a way to feel less guilty about struggling to stay in touch, in whatever way that looks like for you.

I’ll go weeks or months without reaching out, not because I don’t care, but because once someone is out of sight they’re out of mind.

I do that, then my social anxiety convinces me they’ve been happier without me bugging them. So I feel guilt and, at the same time, feel bothersome and rejected (even though the latter is all in my head).

I try to keep in touch with my friends by doing simple things like sending a meme or two, playing correspondance chess or send short messages about what i found interesting in that day, new thing i’ve learned or even just some screenshot of my high score in game. The point is to do very simple interactions that do not require much reaction or thought from other person. It builds a habit and allows You to reach out to those people much easier when You want to have some bigger talk

When you say ‘calendars’ do you mean an actual physical wall calendar?

Find one with pictures you’ll actually want to look at.

Fill in the birthdays/anniversaries before you put it up.

I had a boss who kept a giant Playmate calendar in his office for years. His wife said she wasn’t jealous of the yearly Miss June, because he’d never missed their wedding anniversary or any of their kids’ birthdays.