The (English) names of the planets were dubbed by ancient Romans (and presumably before that the Greeks) based on their ancient gods that few people believe in, hell, most people don’t know why the planets are named such anymore.

If I remember correctly:

• Mercury was named after the messenger god as it travelled the sky the fastest (shortest orbit around the Sun)
• Venus was named after the goddess of love and beauty as it was the second brightest object in the night sky, after the Moon
• Mars was named after the god of war, as it was blood red
• Jupiter was named after the king of the Gods (Zeus in Greek mythos), I guess because it was the largest? Also, it was the second slowest planet the ancient Romans could see
• Saturn was named after Jupiter’s father (Cronus in Greek mythos) as it moved in the sky even slower than Jupiter
• Uranus was discovered around 1800s and named after the father of Saturn and the titans, and a bunch of other legends. I guess going from grandson to grandfather when going from Jupiter to Uranus? Uranus was also the god of the sky I think (at least, initially. Then I think Uranus was killed by Saturn, who was then subsequently killed by Jupiter because Saturn kept on eating his own children)
• Finally, Neptune was discovered later, and named after the Roman god of the sea since it looked very blue

Sorry Pluto, but you’re not a planet anymore. I think Pluto was named after the god of the underworld (equiv. of Hades), it was that or the god of wealth. Maybe both?

Given all the additional information, data, images, etc. we know of the planets, if they were to be renamed, what should the new names be? What are some good names that let people know a signature characteristic of each planet? (ideally, including people unfamiliar with Roman mythos)

Silly names are okay too, but only if they are really good

If you are a Pluto believer, you could give a new name for it too.

Note that many non-English languages name the planets using a different system. For example, Chinese names the naked-eye-observable five after the 5 “elements” (e.g. Mars is literally translated as “fire star”, Saturn is “earth star”), then the newly discovered Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are translations of the western names (e.g. Neptune is “king/ruler of the sea star”)

edit: Some people like 1-8. I guess that would match with hypothetical Planet 9? (or X if you’re a Pluto believer) Wouldn’t be all that helpful though, and it makes the planets feel rigid, boring, and not very fun at all.