I don’t mean like how happy you are today. I mean overall, are you satisfied with everything you are up until this point? For me, for an example, I have a decent job that keeps my head just above water. I have a loving family that I see every couple months or weeks. I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want. But, overall, I’m sort of lonely and exhausted from constantly working. So, on a scale of 1 to 10, I’m about a 6.
Really not good, maybe a 2 or 3. I’m not in debt or physically ill or anything but other than that I’m really struggling.
My life feels like it hasn’t really started yet, but I’m in my late 20s already. Never been in a real relationship, never done anything meaningful in my life, I’ve always had friends but never really been close with anyone. I’m going back and forth between being intensely exhausted by work and just getting through the week, and then being really depressed and just trying to get through the weekend.
I feel like I’ve already missed out on so much of life, (living with extreme anxiety, living as the wrong gender, etc has kept me from most meaningful milestones in life) and I don’t want to miss the rest of it, but I feel like that’s what I’m doing every day. Part of me still believes that I can still do great things, and that I can love and be loved, but I’m too afraid and in too much pain to really change anything.
I know these words won’t mean all that much, because you’ve probably heard the same a few times, but it’s never too late, and you are still pretty young tbh.
I was in a similar space, and finally came out and started transition in my mid 30s. My verve for life has completely turned around, I’m now starting to feel excited and happy like I remember from being when I was much younger. I want to do things again!
I’m not going to say that I dont long for a childhood or experiences that I feel I missed out on because I was the wrong gender, but at least I ca go forward now with excitement.
My life totally turned around, from a near alcoholic in an abusive relation ship on the edge of suicide, to a woman who has fun, has interesting new relationships, and a desire to find out what the future brings.
Good luck, and I hope you find what you need.