i really dislike what caffeine does to me. it makes me uncontrollably fast, and not really in an energetic way, just a rushed way. i also dislike the sensation physically. there’s just something deeply off about being on caffeine for me. i get a visceral “this is not right” feeling, not like dread but sort of in that direction, and it takes hours to fade.
i guess it’s because i feel the need to control myself all the time to feel safe, and caffeine takes away some self-control and makes me more impulsive. thus i associate caffeine with a vague badness, and hence the dread-like feeling.
or maybe it’s my heart telling me it’s a bad idea. i did have a heart valve repair as a newborn baby and maybe i should check it out again.
Is that your experience when you have it in the morning or is it used to stave off sleepiness later in the day/night? Because that experience sounds a bit like me with sleep deprivation. “This isn’t right” paranoia. I don’t associate it with caffeine because I know it’s masking the sleepiness and it’s the sleepiness causing the paranoia. Like one time, I got paranoid that the face in the constellation of Taurus was watching me. Totally illogical and a sign to pack it in and quit stargazing for the night.
I’m just curious. I drink it a lot. It’s a tool. Whether it works or it’s a placebo slotted into a natural cycle, I’ll never know, because it makes me happy and I continue the routine.
just whenever. i tried a glass of iced coffee in the morning for a while and that still negatively impacted me. but i also failed to mention that i am diagnosed with schizophrenia and medicated, which obviously feeds into the feeling of safety and delusory aspects.
i really dislike what caffeine does to me. it makes me uncontrollably fast, and not really in an energetic way, just a rushed way. i also dislike the sensation physically. there’s just something deeply off about being on caffeine for me. i get a visceral “this is not right” feeling, not like dread but sort of in that direction, and it takes hours to fade.
i guess it’s because i feel the need to control myself all the time to feel safe, and caffeine takes away some self-control and makes me more impulsive. thus i associate caffeine with a vague badness, and hence the dread-like feeling.
or maybe it’s my heart telling me it’s a bad idea. i did have a heart valve repair as a newborn baby and maybe i should check it out again.
You’re describing what most people have from too much caffeine. So maybe your tolerance is just much lower. Or maybe you chug coffee like crazy.
i don’t drink any coffee or cola or energy drinks or black/green tea because of these effects. i guess I’m just very sensitive.
Is that your experience when you have it in the morning or is it used to stave off sleepiness later in the day/night? Because that experience sounds a bit like me with sleep deprivation. “This isn’t right” paranoia. I don’t associate it with caffeine because I know it’s masking the sleepiness and it’s the sleepiness causing the paranoia. Like one time, I got paranoid that the face in the constellation of Taurus was watching me. Totally illogical and a sign to pack it in and quit stargazing for the night.
I’m just curious. I drink it a lot. It’s a tool. Whether it works or it’s a placebo slotted into a natural cycle, I’ll never know, because it makes me happy and I continue the routine.
just whenever. i tried a glass of iced coffee in the morning for a while and that still negatively impacted me. but i also failed to mention that i am diagnosed with schizophrenia and medicated, which obviously feeds into the feeling of safety and delusory aspects.