intrusive thoughts are about fears and the things we least want to happen, not from any instincts or hidden/suppressed desires that we have. that’s why they’re so upsetting and sometimes end up getting worse when trying to avoid them, because it ends up fuelling that fear.

sometimes intrusive thoughts are caused by the smallest things, too! i once had a minor accident with a knife, and then couldn’t be around knives for years without having intrusive thoughts about stabbing myself, for example. there’s no ancient instinct telling me to stab myself, nor did i have some secret suppressed desire to stab myself, it was just my brain processing fear badly and coming up with nightmare scenarios as a way of saying “don’t do this, this would be bad”.

tl;dr: you’re not a bad person if you have intrusive thoughts, no matter what they are. they’re just examples of what you don’t want to happen.