wise move. https://www.cnn.com/2025/12/23/us/mahendra-patel-caroline-miller-walmart-kidnapping-claim-hdy

Maybe I don’t recommend it, but my bus love story is cute so I’ll share. Moved from a small town to a big (ish) city for college and took the bus every day. So did one of my neighbors who I recognized to be from a neighboring small town. Whenever the bus was busy we’d sit together, and nearby if not. We are both SUPER introverted but after a year we knew each other pretty well. She would try to catch pokemon when the bus would slow down which was always an exciting moment. Then when YuGiOh Dual Links came out we were both playing it non-stop (I wish that game didn’t power creep so much, or I’d still be playing it).

Anyway, we’d sometimes run into each other on walks and then walk together. Share baked goods and all that. But YuGiOh was what actually gave us an excuse to hang out (so we could play each other). We were both busy with college and so we had “the talk” where we basically both said we weren’t interested in a romantic relationship at the time. I think we both meant it, but somehow it made us relax around each other more. Suddenly we were best friends (with benefits), going out to eat, doing homework together, making sure we took the same bus as much as possible. It was really easy and not a demanding thing. We both knew we were busy and had goals, we just also tried to spend time together when we could. After probably four months of that we realized we were in love and just pretending we were too busy for commitment. Nothing changed and today we’re happily married and still working hard on our careers. But we play Magic The Gathering now.

I have a decently strong in-person social anxiety that I bash my way through on a regular basis, it’s exhausting, but I need to make the connections sometimes for my kids.

I can only offer you anecdotal evidence, but it’s rarely worth it. The vast majority seem to have some major dysfunction. Racist, sexist, abusive, anti-science, anti-climate, conspiracy theorist, narcissist, It’s like we can’t survive as a species without ticking at least a few truly unsavory checkboxes. I get it, we’re all different, and there are a bunch of disappointing checkboxes that I dgaf about and overlook.

You can find tons of people with whom you can hold a 5-minute enjoyable conversation. Just don’t go too deep.

We seem, as a species, to do best when we have a common thing to complain about. It bridges gaps and usually gets the least rejection. A tiny pop of sarcasm about something that is going wrong in a shared experience will often net you a quick, low energy conversation.

I don’t think they really are, but there’s lots of lonely people out there open to chance encounters. Transit’s one of those rare spaces where diverse groups of humans gather, and chances are attend on a frequent schedule. Most folks on transit would prefer you just leave them alone, but hey, you never know. I’ve met people/had good conversations on busses before.

A thought: if you see one of these regulars again, try giving a nice compliment (with strangers, nice = one that doesn’t involve their body - think a cool book they’re carrying, t-shirt, dangly thing on a backpack, cool shoes, etc.) and a question (open ended if you feel like trying for a conversation, closed is fine if that seems daunting). Sometimes cool shit can follow - worst thing that generally happens (so long as you follow the advice afterwards) is you’re told to fuck off. A lot of the time, it’s something in a middle - the question gets answered, you might say “Awesome! Well I hope you have a great day” with a smile and go sit, and the stranger moves on with (maybe) a little boost. That ain’t nothing - lots of us could use those little boosts. All of of a sudden you might see yourself mentioned in those missed connection posts, lol.

Despite having my own hot-and-cold periods over it, I truly feel we need to talk to strangers in meatspace as a whole more often.

This really is an east coast / west coast thing though.

West coasters are more insular and stereotypically suburbanite.
Nice but not kind.
Not outwardly hostile but won’t break their own protected little bubble to help a stranger, usually.

East coast, we’ll tell you you’re an idiot for hitting that piece of slag in the road while helping you change a tire.
Kind, but not nice.
We go out of our way sometimes to help, but you’re gonna get an earful or no conversation at all (as in OP’s story).

I lived in both. I loved living in the city for anonymity - I could go anywhere without fear of someone talking to me. I love living in the burbs for the community - we know our neighbors and they know us/our kids. Both have value for different times in people’s lives.

Exactly this! Cities have such a bad reputation for being impersonal and anonymous, but in reality that just means people here are way more willing to trust strangers.

A few months ago my partner and I were struggling to parallel park late in the evening (we rarely drive, that day was an exception where we borrowed his mom’s car to transport some larger items) and a random guy saw us struggle and offered to help. We absolutely took him up on it, so he got in the driver’s seat and parked the car for us. Then he got out, we thanked him and he continued on his way like it was the most normal thing ever. The fact that he could have just driven off probably didn’t cross anyone’s mind haha

Still depends on the city though. Like in a city like LA where a lot of people drive in their little SUV safe space many have that suburbanite mindset even if they live right in the middle of the city.

It’s like that joke. In Los Angeles, your car is on the side of the road with a flat tire. People slow down, roll down their windows, and say: “Oh my God, that’s terrible! Are you okay? I’m so sorry this happened to you!” and then they drive off.

In New York, your car is on the side of the road with a flat tire. Someone yells: “What, are you an idiot? You can’t park here!” and then they get out of the car and help you change the tire.

A big city does not at all make neighbours out of everyone. The social dynamic is way different, because you see neighbours again and again for years, whereas you will never see that guy on the bus again in your life. There is fear about strangers in cities because if you do something horrible, like assaulting or robbing someone, you will likely never face any consequences. In a small town if you punch someone, word will get around and, even if you can’t be dealt with by the authorities, you’ll face negative consequences from society.

Make subways without stairs.

If you are person expecting others to help you with that, then sorry, you’re weird. It is always nice if someone just does and yes, often someone does help, doesn’t matter of they don’t acknowledge your existence or strike up a friendly chat.

I’d never willingly get myself into a situation thinking, “eh, I’ll be screwed if no one comes to my help, but someone surely will”.

I checked your post history to see if you’re a troll, but no. You just seem to not understand human interaction.

The general assumption is that big cities are full of uncaring strangers. This anecdote, which is true because I’ve literally done it before, shows that this is not the case. The city is full of neighbors you don’t know.

This is not true if every city or every person or every situation. But it’s an important story to hear because it helps adjust the societal view of cities towards a more accurate picture.

It’s a nice anecdote?

You against happy stories or something?