Realizing that “winning” doesn’t feel as good as I thought it would when my new acquaintance turns white and said he’s gonna be sick because I was telling him about the time that performed surgery on myself with a Leatherman, and unwittingly tried pulling my ingrown toenail out the side of my toe, and neglected how infected my toe looked a few weeks later, thus giving myself sepsis.

I’d gotten to the part in the story where an urgent care doctor, seeing me for something unrelated, looked at my multicolor toe and said, “that’s the most infected thing I’ve ever seen.”