coworker: skrew up its project.
me: “Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter that much, no one died. It’s not always the case.”
coworker: “Wait, what ?! what do you mean by that ?!!”
“Oh, nothing. As long you don’t piss me off by screwing up like that again, anyway.”
Realizing that “winning” doesn’t feel as good as I thought it would when my new acquaintance turns white and said he’s gonna be sick because I was telling him about the time that performed surgery on myself with a Leatherman, and unwittingly tried pulling my ingrown toenail out the side of my toe, and neglected how infected my toe looked a few weeks later, thus giving myself sepsis.
I’d gotten to the part in the story where an urgent care doctor, seeing me for something unrelated, looked at my multicolor toe and said, “that’s the most infected thing I’ve ever seen.”
Omg, I hope you handle this differently nowadays!
Telling my wife a funny childhood story about me and my parents - “wait, why aren’t you laughing? Stop looking at me like that!”
One time my mom was telling on stories with a friend over (perhaps at my encouragement) and afterwards the friend, a social worker, was just like “I’m surprised yall are as well adjusted as you are” and it seemed like an odd reply to some old funny stories.
Can we have some of the stories?
No full story, but birther once traded us (me + my siblings) for a blanket. No context might make that sound worse than what actually happened.
“What do you MEAN most parents don’t sleep in the same bed as their baby until they’re 35??? That’s crazy talk! Now strip your clothes, and get naked in this bed with me and my parents! I don’t turn 35 for 2 more years!”
Every time Mythical Chef Josh decides to regale everyone with a story from his childhood.
Could be worse:
My dad once shoved my head through a wall 😃
That explains some things.
No stranger to this type of icebreaker, I usually reasons with “Yeah, I’ve had a meter of my spine removed. No anesthesia.” 😘
Eat your heart out, Marilyn Manson
What why
Makes the legs look longer.
Big 🧠
I’ve almost died like a lot of times.
…days not over.
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One time, at band camp…I got molested by a red head with a flute.
I’d let her.
Edit - seriously? I’m the only one who was hot for Alyson Hannigan back in the day?
