Respond with “Why? You aren’t?”.
Taking a question like that at face value could mean they were being socially inept and lacking self awareness. It could also be motivated by jealousy if the target is getting more attention. The best approach is to fire back with both barrels, culminating in a physical altercation and criminal proceedings.
And were you?
I had an austitic coworker that asked me if I was autistic too…I got tested and, no…I was diagnosed with ADHD though
A lot of the symptoms are pretty similar at first glance
You got the good autism.
So…
that person was doing great socially and then someone else wasn’t?
He got his self-esteem destroyed and the night ruined by this
My friends joke about me being autistic (e.g. last get together) and I have to remind them I am not. I am really just poorly socially trained, which has the difference of being better at with time. Thing is, I talk to almost no one, so I am basically a baby raised by wolves. This is coupled with my social anxiety, but I am usually outgoing once I remove that limiter.
I don’t know. I’m autistic, and my most recent therapist mentioned to me that I am probably the best person at hiding it he’s ever seen. I’ve had sales jobs, jobs that required I be a good persuader with stakeholders, and I’ve had a deep longing to make authentic relationships with people.
But, yeah I’m still autistic. After a long conversation, I need a nap.
Autistic people can learn social cues and can absolutely improve over time. We just don’t intuit the rules automatically, especially unspoken or conflicting rules. If that sounds like you then methinks the lady doth protest too much.
She was hitting on you.
“Are you autistic? Because I want you to take me home and show me your trains!” 😉
Get to her house, she’s asks you to run a 1 person train on her, no model trains in sight, confusion…
Choo Choo!
Charles
I wish…
That’s literally how I find my people. You know by how they say it if it’s judgmental or endearing… or you don’t and you just have to ask.
The only time I’ve ever had someone approach me asking about my autism was from a fellow autist. Twas a good talk.
that’s what i got from this. unless she said it in front of other people to be embarrassing, i think she wants to talk about it.
I asked that once to good colleague of mine because I was just so blown away by his attention to detail and ability to recall the smallest of facts at a drop of a hat.
He went quiet, and I realised I’d goofed.
I also once said “I need to rice this analysis” to an asian colleague of mine, without fully understanding what that word came from. Again, goofed.
Where in the world did rice this analysis come from? I have literally never heard that anywhere in the professional world or non-professional world. The only time I’ve heard the word rice being used in that instance is when they’re talking about Asian cars that are riced out example. I work in and out of a lot of professional places including laboratories and hospitals and I’ve never even heard a glimpse of that or anything.
I took it from “rice my config” to “yak-shaving my config” to “yak-shaving my analysis” to “rice my analysis”
Essentially, I thought it meant “to finesse”. It instead means “form over function with racist undertones”. I am an idiot, yes
That was a wild ride
As an ASD and a wordnik, ricing is a form of food prep homogenization, reducing a lumpy medium to the consistency of rice or finer, e.g. potato ricing.
Maybe I’m missing a key element.
I had zero clue.
TIL rice rocket is derogatory
“I meant it as a compliment” ~~ the absolute worse thing you can say in defense, so I didn’t
“I love rice!”
Sort of. It’s more like “I think I’m doing well socializing then I’ll find out later secondhand they think I’m a fucking idiot child and mocked me after I left.”
And then I’m tired as hell to try again.
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But I’m almost 40! How much more age do I need to get??
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For the record, that experience is also universal. You could be perfectly socially adjusted and you’ll still meet fake AF people on occasion. Narcissists have a habit of fawning to your face and then doing 180s on their opinion of you the moment you’re out of their line of sight lol. Don’t worry about it.
If they mock you after you leave they suck anyway. No loss for you.
I still want to get better at socializing and it’s so difficult when neurotypicals act polite to your face and then do that! It makes to so hard to learn!
It’s entirely fair to want to get better at it, but those people probably couldn’t help you even if they were inclined to, because they’re bad at socializing- they invited someone whose socialization style doesn’t vibe with their party, then their response is to mock the guest for their own mistake.
Not everyone is like that, and not every neurotypical is like that. It’s hard to find a good group, but one exists for you.
Also, specifically regarding learning to socialize: you don’t necessarily have to get help from neurotypicals- that’s like having a math teacher who’s just naturally good at math, vs one who had to struggle to master it. You learn better from the latter if you’re not also gifted at math.
I agree it does suck. Hopefully you can find a group you can feel safe in to practice!
Well in that case these people are not worth your time.
Nah I live in Scandinavia. Autism largely goes unnoticed.
I work in STEM. Same
We notice. It’s just a professional environment so no one is going to say anything and it literally doesn’t matter.
Many years ago, I was working together with a girl my age for about 3 months and I had decided pretty early on that I didn’t want to impress her, but that I would use the time to work on smalltalk and such. It was a factory job with lots of boring tasks, so there were lots of opportunities to entertain each other.
After 2½ months, I felt like I was doing better than I’ve ever done in my life. Then she hit me with the sentence: “I don’t think any girl would want to go out with you, because you don’t talk enough.”
So, basically worst case: That’s genuinely what she thought.
‘Best’ case: She was trying to hurt me, but well, she still knew which wound to poke into, so I guess, I wasn’t doing that great either way.Also that’s weird. A lot of people - half of which are women - just love to talk, and basically you only have to occasionally remind them that you are paying attention.
Person: blah blah blah for ten minutes, pauses for 2 seconds
Me: “Oh really? That’s crazy. Did he ask you about it later?”
Person: blah blah blah
Honestly I love this because basically everybody has some unique and interesting things about them that you will learn if you just let them go…
Some people aren’t nice or good people, oh well.
I doubt the details make for a particularly riveting story, but just to say it: I do think it is more complex than her just not being a good person.
She was hitting you.
I guess I’m good at masking, the first time someone called me autist was in 2024.
Could also be that I’m not exactly very social. Could also be that most people don’t actually understand that autism spectrum includes people that are “almost normal”, not only the obvious “babbling weirdos”
Going to parties mostly isn’t even an option.
