• Allero@lemmy.today
    25·
    3 days ago

    That calls for a monkey’s paw

    1. There’s literally no more fat in your body. Your cells burst, you die immediately.
    2. You’re not able to gain weight, but you still lose it. Every time you sweat, breathe out, go to the restroom - you lose weight. In a matter of month or two, you die from exhaustion.
    3. Now you can’t buy groceries and really anything you want or need and are forever reliant on others to provide you with anything you didn’t yourself produce.
    4. The height increase is achieved by all your organs instantly extending, causing internal injuries and disabilities and now many physical stresses can kill you.
    5. You’re so strong you cannot adequately measure it, and have to be very careful not to break everything around you.
    6. You’re always happy. You’re never able to grieve, or reflect, or do anything. You’ve lost any reason to progress, or even really sustain yourself. You die in bliss on the streets.
    7. Followers are invading all of your personal life. They doxx you, follow you everywhere, try to document every moment of your existence. You cannot have peace and solitude ever again.
    8. You forgot your ex. You also forgot every good moment in your life you ever had together, and are left wondering what is that void in your brain. You will never know what happened. But someone, somewhere out there who is your ex will.
    9. Inflation came strong, and now everyone has millions upon millions of dollars. Too bad they’re only worth a few rolls of toilet paper.
    • JcbAzPx@lemmy.worldEnglish
      5·
      2 days ago

      There are people who cannot grow or simply don’t have any fat cells. It’s a surprisingly debilitating condition, but you don’t immediately die from it.

      • Allero@lemmy.today
        4·
        2 days ago

        Fats are a normal component of any cell membrane, and if we’re talking no fats whatsoever, there would be no membrane to speak of.

        It’s not just about the storage cells.

    • Kuma@lemmy.world
      5·
      2 days ago

      This is what I thought too when I read them, the last one (money) was the only one I didn’t see any problems with. It made me think about the post about picking a superpower and the first comment was your side effect for using it but this was the other way around, pick your side effect haha

  • HellsBelle@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    5·
    2 days ago

    2, 6 and 9.

    9 would go towards building affordable housing in my area, which would make 6 happen.

    2 just 'cause.

    • Atomic@sh.itjust.works
      3·
      2 days ago

      #2 is straight up torture. No matter how much you eat, you cannot stop losing weight. Your body no longer retains nutrients as it passes right through you

      • samus12345@lemm.eeEnglish
        1·
        2 days ago

        Depends on if the descriptions are jackass genie rules or not. If it’s being genuine, it means you won’t gain any excess weight beyond what’s healthy. 1 and 3 seem like descriptions ripe for abuse as well.

        1: Thinner!

        3: You can no longer get things you need because you are unable to shop.

        • Atomic@sh.itjust.works
          1·
          6 hours ago

          Excess weight is literally fat. That is how the body stores excess energy.

          Not sure if you can live without any fat or not. Would have to look into it.

            • Atomic@sh.itjust.works
              1·
              5 hours ago

              Yes I read it the first time. It’s such a wild undefineable description that differs from person to person, even from environment to environment.

              But you interpret the magical pill how you want. And I’ll interpret it how I see fit. Deal?

              • samus12345@lemm.eeEnglish
                1·
                5 hours ago

                It’s such a wild undefinable description that differs from person to person, even from environment to environment.

                Yes, that’s why it’s a magic pill. I already interpreted it two different ways - if it’s granting the “wish” in the spirit of the clear intent from the phrasing, it won’t be harmful, but if it’s being literal, you’re gonna die.

      • TheDoozer@lemmy.world
        1·
        2 days ago

        It says you can’t gain weight. I’m already overweight, and about max for what I can be to keep my job (military) and not totally break down. So if “can’t gain weight” means this is my max weight and no matter what I do I can’t go past it, that makes a comfortable hard stop for future efforts toward dieting.

        • Atomic@sh.itjust.works
          2·
          6 hours ago

          I see it from a biological perspective. Weight gain is derived from absorption of nutrients. You gain and lose weight all the time. As soon as your intestines no longer hold food you are no longer absorbing nutrients and therefore are losing weight from just existing.

          I cannot argue with your interpretation of a made up magical pill. I just see it from another perspective.

          Perhaps you would enjoy the no fat pill more since that’s how the body store excess energy.

    • kiagam@lemmy.world
      12·
      2 days ago

      You loved one dies, you feel happy. You are in logical despair but can’t feel it.

      I’ll pass

  • FreshLight@sh.itjust.works
    118·
    4 days ago

    That is by far the shittiest version of the “which pill/superpower/xyz ?” that I’ve seen.

    “No more fat”, “Have many followers” and fucking “Increase 5cm height” nearly gave me an aneurysm. This meme is a good pick for the community.

  • TheDoozer@lemmy.world
    3·
    2 days ago

    2 (as long as that means I can’t go past my current weight, not that every time I poop, sweat, or pee I lose weight I can never regain) 5… and I guess 9. I’m doing okay, and I’ve never had a strong need for “a lot of money.”

    5 isn’t even because I want to have super strength, it’s more to be able to compensate for my jacked up joints and being overweight.

    I would trade any of the three of these for “cure my sleep apnea” though.

    1 sounds tempting, as long as it’s just the insulation, you know? I don’t know a whole lot about biology, but I feel like if you immediately removed all fats from your body, your cells would just die (all the lipids disappearing). But if you could remove all the fat listed in the “body fat percentage” and made it so I could still get some fats quickly (for a healthy amount), I’d take that over 2. Once it’s there, it makes it so hard to get rid of, but I feel like if it was gone in one go, I could keep it off.

    Wow, my decisions for “magic pills” would be kind of depressing to 20-year-old me. At least with the exception of my health I’m reasonably content.

      • andros_rex@lemmy.world
        2·
        2 days ago

        The last movie me and my ex watched together was Synecdoche, NY which basically gave him permission to toss me out like an old newspaper, since he read the message of that film as “other people are interchangeable background characters in your life.”

  • wolframhydroxide@sh.itjust.works
    18·
    3 days ago

    1 is the monkey’s paw answer and a trap. Fat is necessary for survival. Fats literally make up the outside of every cell in your body.

    2 is still dangerous, because it might just be tapeworm eggs.

    Is 3 just a servant who shops for you? Or is it just that you are no longer addicted to compulsive shopping?

    4 Will cause you the most agonizing pain of your life as virtually every bone and muscle gets ripped apart and re-knit, and as someone who’s 6’4, it has its upsides, but having literally everything made for people shorter than you REALLY sucks, from doorways and light fixtures, even to rollercoasters which nearly remove your legs because of awful design (or just won’t close over your shoulders)

    5 is nice. Go with 5. It’ll be painful, but potentially worth it in a pinch, as long as it also grants you control of that strength.

    6 is another trap, since small amounts of stress are actually really important, and in order to be constantly happy, your brain would lose the ability to feel it unless it continually increased the dopamine drip. Eventually, you would kill for the ability to stop.

    7 I mean, sure, if that’s what you want. Would be nice to know what kind of followers? Are they going to be religious and try to pull a Life of Brian on you?

    8 is the worst, because you have no control over the extent of the memory wipe. This is existentially terrifying

    9 is the safest, but then you go and read that post about why winning the lottery means you’re fucked.

    The surefire safest calls are probably 9, 7, and 3, since they wouldn’t actually affect your body, unless you’re the kind of person who likes playing roulette with the sort of pills you get for free on the street.

    • renamon_silver@lemmy.wtfEnglish
      5·
      3 days ago

      2 would eventually kill you, just more slowly than 1. Unless you never forget to eat and are always able to.

      • AA5B@lemmy.world
        2·
        3 days ago

        How. Two is just don’t gain weight. It doesn’t say anything about losing weight or about healthy nutrition. For those of us with a tendency to gain, this is all positive.

        My most pressing health concern under my control is my weight. As an adult already overweight, I would be very happy to at least never weigh more than I do now

        • chatokun@lemmy.dbzer0.com
          4·
          3 days ago

          Check your weight in the morning then later in the day. It always fluctuates, with your overnight fast/ not drinking water making you lose some weight if you couldn’t gain any but could still lose weight, you’d eventually wither away.

    • Mojtaba@lemm.ee
      5·
      3 days ago

      Umm well i didn’t need the 1 and 2 and 3 so i was about to take 7 9 5 but after seeing that i am scared to even choices anything

  • shneancy@lemmy.world
    311·
    4 days ago

    1. feels like a trap, once you burn through all your fat you’ll be impossibly unhealthy

    2. is a trap too, if you stop gaining weight from eating then you might trap yourself in the same situation as above

    3. unless you hunt for food, bad idea

    4. decent option, but it doesn’t mention if there’s any pain during the growth period

    5. good option, as long as you have control over your strength

    6. very bad option, sounds nice but you will go insane

    7. doesn’t say if online or IRL, having many followers IRL is not desirable

    8. dangerous, erasing any meaningful memories is dangerous

    9. the only good option with no consequences i can think of. i’ll take 3 of those

    • iAvicenna@lemmy.world
      5·
      3 days ago

      Mostly agree, easily can reduce it down to 4,5 modulo fine print. I don’t agree with the last if a lot of money means billions and if you want to keep it all for yourself. Wanting to own billions is a mental disease imo.

      • shneancy@lemmy.world
        6·
        3 days ago

        oh nah lol, i’d just keep a decent amount of money to live comfortably + bit extra for the occasional adhd “new hobby” shopping spree. if “a lot” means billions, the majority of it i’d most likely donate to charities or give away to friends and random people, i have no desire to hoard wealth

    • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
      1·
      3 days ago

      Except how do people generally get money from taking pills? Hint: it’s not often because they are happy with the results.

      • shneancy@lemmy.world
        2·
        3 days ago

        i don’t think a pill can give you more followers either (not without first setting up a cult and/or a drug enterprise)