If it’s to simply make noises to assert non-violent intentions, then I say we can be more than our natural urges without giving into these innate tendencies. Sincerely, an introvert.
is making animal noises at each-other a sufficient way of small talk? asking for ourselves.
I mean… it works for animals?
This exchange reads like Archer dialogue and I’m digging it
A lot of my problems with social interactions almost completely disappeared when I realized humans are just animals and treating them as such makes recognizing behavioral patterns a lot easier.
I think that small talk is an ever constant reminder of the pervasive nature that is ‘wanting to be happy’.
Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with wanting to be happy. There is something wrong about being willing to sacrifice anything for what you perceive is the thing (or person, or hobby, or whatever) that will bring you happiness.
I think that the reason small talk is so fucking meaningless is because we all are just seeking some measure of peace and happiness in our lives. We simply can’t tell everyone who asks that our day is going terribly, for one thing it will make us feel worse — for another it will also make everyone that has to tolerate us feel worse. So we say “Fine” or “Good” or “Tired” or “The weather has me down” or whatever other instantly acceptable and obvious answer is easiest and ends the interaction quickly.
I think if we allowed people to be more honest with themselves that things like small talk wouldn’t really exist beyond trying to fill a silent void. But sure, friendly human noises go brrr.
Seems a great many of you need this.
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Nope. Don’t need that.
Did you know that the reason imgur blocks the UK is that it is trying to evade a fine for selling children’s personal data?
They are a shit corporation and they already deleted old data for posters that didn’t have a paid subscription with them.
There are other image hosts.
Lemmy lets you upped directly to your instance and if gets federated.
Don’t use imgur.
Another great argument for text alternatives such as link to text-based (archived) sources: graceful failover & accessibility.
Except that wouldn’t make a difference as far as the children data protection bit is concerned. It goes WAY beyond porn and governs the handling of any data that can be tied back to a child, including IP address, online aliases, and email addresses.
And it’s not even just about selling it, but processing it and storing it at all. There’s technical necessity exemptions, like routers aren’t subject due to handling the IP address for routing, but stuff like logging the submitting IP address with an image to be able to handle abusive submitters would count. While it is a legitimate use, part of the UK law is requiring consent for doing anything with the data of someone under 13, and the current legal situation is “well, most sites probably break the law but you can trust us that we won’t go after you if you give it your best shot”.
I’m surprised more sites aren’t pulling out of the UK with a law that seems designed for selective enforcement to get rid of sites the government deems “bad” while letting the ones it deems “good” or “harmless” serve as examples that they are trying to be reasonable with the law that basically makes websites illegal because 12 year olds can use browsers and might go there without parental consent.
Also handing the ones that do check age even more information, but it’s OK because once you become an adult to do whatever with that information.
While I agree the UK law is nuts, and its citizens either need to revolt or kill all their children & stop breeding (probably for the best) to comply with their law, I’m just writing about principles for robust web content like don’t just post an image of text
- the disabled can’t read &
- that’s vulnerable to failure for any number of reasons including geoblocking due to insane laws.
Text alternatives are resilient to failure & provide richer features (usability, accessibility) than images.
Oooh, I see, you meant text alternative in the post. For some reason, my mind went to a service like imgur but it uses something to fallback to text, assumedly in part to display an alternative to an image to avoid the UK nanny laws instead of needing to back out entirely. So that’s where the whole “that won’t avoid the issue” response came from.
“Hi, I’m very friendly, you don’t have to be afraid of me, i don’t want to harm you, we are identical!”
I will start approaching people like this.
It works great! Now I only very rarely need to tell people to go away.
Honestly, my favorite people are the ones who love to talk and are horribly desperate to babble to potential listeners. I’m not much of a talker but I absolutely dont mind looking you in the eyes and nodding my head as you talk about your hobby or current going ons.
In bigger social groups I noticed this weird thing fellow humans tend to do where they all want a slice of being the talker/ center of attention and constantly cut off eachother or tune out current speaker waiting for them to shut up so they can start their monkey babble turn.
This behavior absolutely infuriates me and I refuse to take part in it. I would rather just be silent and let you say your piece than interrupt the flow.
As a knock on effect people subconsciously notice I’m not competing with them for talk time and am sending them constant listening signals like looking in the eye nodding head “mhm got you” stuff. This seems to really go a long way with making friendly with talkative types with minimal effort.
Hobbys or current going ons is nice, but that’s not small talk. That’s just talk. Not big talk nor small talk, more like medium talk. It’s where they tell you stuff about themselves that actually matter, but not in a revolutionary way.
Small talk is chatting about the weather or talking about that person at work.
i posit current going ons can be anywhere from small to heavy talk, depending on the weight and/or severity of the ongoings.
GREETINGS FELLOW HUMAN, I AM A NON THREATENING HUMAN, NO NEED TO AVOID BEING NEAR MY PRESENCE
Hey bud, how you doing?
Damn well this was the perspective change I needed today
If I helped one person, more than worth the tiny effort!
“Small talk” is actually one of the most powerful tools for connection we have. It’s not meaningless chatter; it’s the doorway into deeper understanding.
The trick isn’t to say the most interesting thing in the room or ask interesting questions, it’s to be interested.
When you ask someone, “How’s your day going?” or “What’s been keeping you busy lately?” and actually listen to their answer, you’re signaling that you care about their world. That’s the quiet magic of small talk: it turns strangers into people, and people into friends.
Start simple. Ask open questions that invite reflection instead of yes or no answers. Things like:
“How’s work treating you this week?”
“What’s something you’ve been enjoying lately?”
“Do you like slow days or do they make you restless?”
Then, build on what they share. Match their tone. Add your own small experiences (“I know what you mean, I kind of love quiet days too”). These little back-and-forth moments help conversations feel easy and balanced.
The value of small talk isn’t in the words themselves, it’s in the attention you give others. Over time, these small exchanges build trust, warmth, and familiarity. They’re how relationships begin, how empathy grows, and how we remind each other that we’re seen.
So don’t underestimate small talk. Practice curiosity. Ask, listen, share. Every person you meet carries a piece of the story you haven’t heard yet, and small talk is how you start uncovering it.
“How’s work treating you?”
It’s work.
“What have you been enjoying lately?”
Sleeping when I get home from work.
“Do you like slow days?”
No cause it means I have to work longer.
The trick isn’t to say the most interesting thing in the room or ask interesting questions, it’s to be interested.
OK, but, like… I’m not interested. I have a strong interest in others viewing me nonthreateningly, because I have no interest in causing harm or taking advantage of others and would rather not be viewed suspiciously. But the actual mechanics of small talk are dull and uninteresting to me. I could walk through the motions, and generally do when I have to, but the kind of energy and attention it takes for me to do that while also being aware of anything else is exhausting. I’m perfectly happy being on the sidelines or simply not in attendance at all. I just want to be able to carry some sort of authentication or certificate that indicates “Normal People including Jeff T., Paul R., Caitlin P., Rilee L., and Jaime A. all vouch for me being safe and trustworthy. If you don’t know any of them, I can provide further references.”
Literally all I could say to any of this would be downer shit. That’s why I hate small talk. It’s just depressing and I feel like it makes me look bad.
People actually LOVE to complain to each other. Perhaps if you shared your downer shit, you could find lots of connection. Just be sure to dose the information in small bits, so that the other person has enough space to react and share their own depressiive stories.
Why would I want to just add more shit to what someone else is dealing with and then have theirs added to me? That would just leave us both more stressed out than ever.
You’d think that, but that’s part of the point and magic, and it does not necessarily add up to that point of “leave us both more stressed than ever”.
It still adds up to increasing connection, not decreasing it. The caveat is that the whole leaving room for the other person too is vital, it can’t be overwhelmingly one sided, good or ill.
The human condition includes depressive shit too, and no one is unique in capacity for suffering, only details. That’s still something to bond over.
Because people with problems in common often have solutions in common and then only one of you needs to have the answer. The whole person-climbs-down-into-the-hole-with-you story.
As someone who can have difficulty socializing (unless it’s something I’m passionate or knowledgeable about, but then i risk oversharing), i decided to try reading a book i ran into called Supercommunicators. It actually touches on a number of things you mentioned here, just curious if you happen to have read it yourself… It’s been pretty enlightening for me, and i find the things I’ve picked up from it can easily be applied to daily life. Some good food for thought, at very least!
Keep it simple! Andrew Carnegie wrote the only book you need, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Terrible title in today’s context, that’s not really what it’s about.
Carnegie set out to find a solid book on human communication. Traveled all over the US, meeting and writing university professors, was astonished that such a thing didn’t exist, so he wrote it.
Interestingly, you can pick it up and read any chapter. Nothing need be in order, it’s not a study course, very easy to digest. Most of it is simply Carnegie telling stories.
There was one that’s always stuck with me: He goes to dinner at a man’s house and the guy won’t shut the fuck up, talks on and on and on. Carnegie shut up, listened, made it clear he was listening, hardly spoke a word. On the way out the man was congratulating Carnegie on what a fine conversationalist he is!
Public domain, totally free, give it a spin. I need to brush up on it myself.
This post is quite profound
My government seems to think otherwise.
I knew imgur was getting bad but that’s ridiculous.
Anyway, Here:
Technically that’s down to Imgur. Basically the UK government told Imgur to stop selling children’s data to advertisers and Imgur was like “No, we’re going to keep doing that and you’re blocked”.
But, OFCOM basically said “Okay sure you can block the UK and that will stop you selling any children’s data going forward, but you still sold children’s data in the past, so the fine still stands” and now it’s kinda in limbo because Imgur doesn’t have a UK office so there’s nowhere to extract the money from. However, even if Imgur did introduce age assurance (which is increasingly likely given that Imgur is based in California and California is flirting with age assurance requirements too) and therefore would be in compliance with the Online Safety Act, they would still be fined because they failed to protect children’s data in the past.
It’s me. I’m one of the great many who needed this. Thank you OP!
I actually feel like Arc Raiders has helped with this a bit.
I’m very distrustful of anyone who signals peaceful intent with nothing but an emote line. If people use voice comms, it shows a modicum of social openness, and helps humanize them. More often than not, people end up chatting about threats they’ve seen or where there’s useful loot.
There’s even a famous clip of a guy breaking open a bot who gets shot at, and he defuses the situation by yelling at the shooter that he expects better of him, and that they’re all just trying to get by.
I see the value in it, I just suck at it.
It helps to have canned fallback responses. Mine is “I know, right?” in a dry/sarcastic tone. It works for any comment and most questions, because it’s a meaningless affirmation
It even works when you fumble, it’s so vague you can use it to reply to a question and recover
